The Cone of Silence

Posted Tuesday, June 24, 2008, at 3:58 PM

There's nothing like a new remake to make you feel decidedly not new.

The recent opening of "Get Smart" has had us crotchety old-type folks cracking up, remembering Don Adams and his shoe phone. Some our colleagues, whom I will graciously call experience-challenged, didn't have a clue.

I don't feel old. I don't think I look that old, at least not before 9 p.m. Or after 8 a.m. Or in between six cups of Huddle House coffee...

But having three sons, 18, 16, and 9, has no doubt aged me waaaay before my time. They haven't caused my hair to go gray (thank you, Madame Clairol) as they have caused it to get thinner. Not a day goes by when they don't have me pulling my hair for one reason or another.

My favorite part of the old "Get Smart" television show was the Cone of Silence. When I win the lottery, I'm buying one. Seriously.

Just think -- I could grab a few minutes under the Cone of Silence every day and escape the 9-year-old's latest recitation of every cartoon plot he has ever seen in his entire life. My 16-year-old could chatter endlessly about his latest play and the 18 year-old could list all of the reasons I should let him drive to Nashville for yet another indie band concert even though he celebrated this last day of being 17 with a $168 speeding ticket coming home from the last one.

And I could nod and smile and silently recite my personal mantra ... "Jeopardy is on in 10 minutes..."

Not that I mind listening to my kids. I love it, especially at the end of the day, when I can find out exactly what they want me to find out about what they did instead of laundry, dishes or cleaning. But they were all born with "On" switches in their heels. The minute those feet hit the floor, the jaw gears engage.

I'd also like a portable Cone of Silence to take with me to H.V. Griffith Park. Not to mask the sounds of children playing -- I love the shouting, giggles and even ear-piercing squeals. Those sounds mean summer.

No, I'd like to drop that portable Cone of Silence over the skateboard ramps. As a journalist, I support the right to free speech. But as a mother, I've heard fewer "F-words" uttered in a Quentin Tarantino movie.

Having teens of my own, I understand their need to express themselves, but sometimes I wonder if they know how well sound carries to the park -- and to the young ears there who will no doubt carry home a new vocabulary list to freak out Mom and Dad.

Comments
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No, I'll have on my Hedda Hopper hat on this weekend, covering another (!) film shoot at Cascade School. We hope to visit our favorite pool Sunday, though.

-- Posted by MotherMayhem on Fri, Jul 11, 2008, at 12:33 PM

Hey. mother mayhem, you guys camping this weekend?

-- Posted by wayner58 on Fri, Jul 11, 2008, at 11:30 AM

Thom that is how I feel also....Out of my 6 boys and 1 daughter and 1 step daughter they have kept me young...I would not change a thing in my life ...well maybe move my date of birth to the 60's instead of the 50's...I thank God every day for all my children and friends and family and Oil Olay and Icy Hot Rub and B C Powder's...

-- Posted by rebelrose on Wed, Jun 25, 2008, at 10:47 AM

memyselfi - Nope, old is in your head (and occasionally your joints). I refuse to grow up. I see people my age at work and think "Man, they're old"...just because of the way they act. I'm never going to be old.

-- Posted by Thom on Wed, Jun 25, 2008, at 2:34 AM

K-Tel "records", you really must be old Thom, and Steve minds do slip as we get to a certain age. I do remember K-Tel records well. I am ashamed to say the last one I had to have was one with Debby Boone "You Light Up My life". Please dont ask me why, I couldnt answer.

While I never watched Get Smart, I wanted to relate a story and a comment about the skate park. First the story:

When my oldest son was still very young, I was also sensitive to older children being a bad influence. We had no skate park at the time, but we did have the theater and a skating rink and you could find the same language and behaviors back then. Anyway, I tried to avoid these gathering places with my family on Friday and Saturday nights. Then one Saturday morning we went on a family outing to the mall in Tullahoma. My son ran into some friends that I knew also and we decided it would be okay to let them "hang out" while we shopped. After about 30 minutes we came out of a store and heard my son talking with his friends. His back happened to be turned to us so that while his friends saw us walk up, he did not. I was both shocked and appalled to hear what was coming out of his mouth and how loud it was. It may have seemed louder to me because there were 4 boys standing there with their mouths open and his mouth was the only one making a sound. His friends disappeared quickly to say the least.

Now the comment: I doubt the kids at the skate park realize what they are doing. I doubt many of them even believe they can effect the world around them in any consistent way. Most of them are likely just trying to fit in and prove themselves. Have you ever thought of asking one of them if they knew that their voices carried in an un-threatening way? I have talked to several of the older teens skating there and they appeared to be as respectful as any other kids you may run into elsewhere.

-- Posted by memyselfi on Wed, Jun 25, 2008, at 12:21 AM

I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading this, and that my brother was priveledged enough to pick up some lovely vernacular from the skate park.

-- Posted by reed_ashley on Tue, Jun 24, 2008, at 11:56 PM

It's as bad as when your favorite songs started coming out on K-Tel records.

-- Posted by Thom on Tue, Jun 24, 2008, at 10:09 PM

My mind is slipping, sure enough. I remember Get Smart but not the Cone of Silence. Seems like a good invention though.

I have other uses for it, but I am not brave enough to type them out.

-- Posted by stevemills on Tue, Jun 24, 2008, at 8:17 PM