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oops, he did it again.Posted Wednesday, August 19, 2009, at 3:33 PM
My husband is the cook in the family and he's a genius at inventing and improving recipes. When we run a little short of supplies, he's great at improvising -- usually. Last night he was making a hamburger-mixed vegetable pie with one of those instant biscuit mixes, but we were out of milk, so he tried something else instead.
Note to all: Sweetened condensed milk is NOT a good substitute for a savory dish. yechh. For the first time in 22 years, I simply could not eat what he cooked. what's the worst thing you've ever cooked? Mine's a toss up between the Indian corn pudding that, instead of baking at 350 degrees for one hour, I baked at 400 degrees for 3 hours (typo in the cookbook, I swear!) and the instant brownie batch I made where I added 1 tbsp, of water and 1 cup of vinegar. It was supposed to be the other way around ... So, 'fess up. What meals have you mangled? Comments Showing comments in chronological order [Show most recent comments first] |
Mary Reeves is a staff writer for the Times-Gazette.
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I have just begun to try my hand at cooking in the last several years. My biggest oops up to this point is when I was trying to jazz up a batch of hot dog sauce, and I was going to put a little chili powder in it. No one ever told me that chili powder and cinnamon are about the same color and I did not realize that labels are to be read and followed like instructions.
Up until just a few months ago, I could tell someone how to make gravy, but I couldn't make it myself. I was trying to make my husband a nice breakfast and attempted to make gravy. He took one bite and spit it out. His exact words were, "That's awful!"
Oh my this brings back bad memories :>)
I decided one afternoon I was going to make a meatloaf and was going to use the ingredients I had because I was determined not to go to the store.
Well I made... it was horrible...my kids wouldn't even look at it ... my husband laughed at it... and the dog just sniffed it and walked away.
The funny part was I tossed it in a bag and put it in the trash and when the trash truck picked up the cans the only thing left in the can was the bag at the bottom with the meatloaf still in it...so the trash man wouldn't even take off my meatloaf.. sad but true story :>(
My kids and my husband called it the nuclear meatloaf
I did a really smart thing once and it led to overconfidence, which of course leads to disaster. I made chili. I always make corn bread with chili. I am hard-wired to always put a slice of cornbread in the bowl, ladle in the chili, and serve it up. Well, this time I didn't want to bother with heating up the oven, so I got the (pretty thick) chili to near boiling and poured the corn batter on top, and put the lid on it for 15 minutes. That turned out great. That was not the disaster.
No, disaster came when I tried my bright idea on chicken vegetable soup. I figured, hey, chicken and dumplings, chicken and cornbread, same diff, right? Well, chicken soup is more watery than chili, and corn batter is runnier than dumpling batter. Did you know that? I should have. I really should have at least noticed that as I was dumping the batter in. It united into a tasteless, gritty, watery mush with bits of chicken and carrot floating around.
The first time I made brownies, I think I was around 12, I followed the directions on the box exactly - which was a mistake when it came to cooking time as they turned out so hard that when I dropped one it put a small crack on my mom's ceramic tile kitchen floor.
I too made have made "concrete" in the kitchen. Only I was trying to learn how to make tender, flaky pie crust from scratch. My first attempt glued itself to the pie plate and could not be removed with hammer or chisel. Believe me I tried both, it was my grandmother's favorite pie plate.
It was turned over to my grandfather and disappeared into the barn. A month later it reappeared sans pie crust. I never asked how he removed it without destroying the plate.
So far I haven't had something we couldn't eat, but some were close. Ground turkey can be a tricky ingrediant sometimes. Once I was making turkey sausage( yes I know that is blasphemy in the South) and I did follow a tried and true method. It was shall we say, less than perfect. At least the dogs had a treat.
I have turned out to be a good cook. But in learning there was the time I thought it would be handy to roll my pie dough out on newspaper specifically the comics. You know save a flour mess on the counter. It worked good except when I put the crust in the pan the comics were staring back at me. Well I baked it up anyway (alot of work went into that pie dough) filled it with bananas and homemade pie filling and fed it to my guinea pigs (my dad and brothers) they loved it! I fessed up after they had eaten the comics!
P.S. Sometime I will tell you about the exploding eggs!!! :)
I'll have to ask my husband and kids what's the worst thing I've made, because I really don't remember something really not being edible. (Not to say I didn't make something yucky, but they ate it anyway.)
I (had) a bad habit of "hiding" stuff in the oven...to keep snacky figures out of it...ie. brownies, lemon bars, cupcakes, etc...well, I "hid" the last few cupcakes in my cake carrier (you know, the big PLASTIC thing with handles!) Well, "forgot" it was in there and turned oven on to make garlic bread...after the smoke alarms started going off and a chemical haze filled the house, I realized my mistake! It melted FLAT to the bottom of the oven, except for the few cupcakes, which were actually still quite moist! :P I ended up with a lovely piece of "art" when all the plastic came up off the bottom in one nice piece. Unfortunately, the grates were another problem as the plastic melted onto each individual wire!
ha that is so funny. When i first moved to Tennessee I was going to make biscuits from scratch like my husbands mom made. WRONG...
she is a expert, mine were so bad the doberman would not touch them. You could have painted them black and used them as hockey pucks.
That bad.
That is why God made Pillsberry
The first few years of married life, the oven was used for other things that did not have anything to do with food. Not that I did not cook, because I did try. When I washed all the brushes and combs, the warm oven was the place that they were dried. One day I forgot that I had put the clean washed brushes into the oven, and I preheated it for my dinner. Needless to say, it was a big smelly mess. The melted brushes and combs were melted around the metal racks. I made a mistake that I have never repeated, although the warm oven is still a good place to dry a damp dish towel. I am just very much aware that it is in there.
I am going to take up a little more space if you don't mind :>)
When I got married the first time I had never even cooked a piece of toast. So the first meal I attempted was a joke. The guy I married was a good size man and I figured it would take quite a bit to feed him. I decided to cook some pinto beans. Luckily or not I happen to have a 5 lb bag which I proceeded to pour the entire bag into a pot. I also thought Mac and cheese would be a good choice and poured the entire large box into boiling water. Needless to say we had pinto beans and macaroni coming over the top of the pot. Mom forgot to tell me these things get bigger in water. :>(
Also some time later, my husband brought me a sack of poke salad. I had no idea what it even was much less how to cook it..I called Mom but couldn't remember what he called it and ask her how to fix turnip greens. So I gave it a good washing in the sink and put it in a pot with some side meat...cooked up just fine. It looked like turnip greens but smelled nasty but I figured it was because I hated the smell of turnip greens. Of course I wouldn't eat anything like that but when he got home from work he said "yea now take some of the greens and put it in a skillet with an egg. I was like, Ok. I did the good little wifey thing and fixed it like he said. I almost killed him he had to go to the hospital and spent 3 days there, Nobody told me to pare boil these things and I had no idea they were poison.