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Sunday, Apr. 20, 2014

Finally back in Tennessee, sad but also happy to be here..

Posted Wednesday, October 19, 2011, at 7:16 PM

(Photo)
Audrey Dunn always the party gal.
Well, I am finally back. I left almost six months ago to go to Texas after hearing the words from my mothers doctor that she has stage 4 cancer that had spread and needed someone there.

I tried to get her to move five years ago when she retired from the Civil Service but she wanted to stay there.

No friends, no family, but she had bingo and her life and did not want to move.

What if something happens I asked?

Well, what if came.

I moved there, and packed each day. And packed... and packed.

And called the Goodwill Trucks and hauled stuff and took her to her oncology appointments and helped her when she was sick.. and also worked at Goodwill in West Texas.

Bills don't stop cause you or a loved one has cancer.

I had to quit working when she suddenly broke her hip.

And the cancer spread, to her bones..... more bad news. Despite four chemotherapy treatments and praying it still crept up.

So, I went back a forth between hospital and home and more packing.

The doctor said to get her back to the family as soon as he stopped her treatments for radiation on her hip.

The trip back was hell, but we laughed when we hit a bump, my cat Nikki in one large carrier would meow and squeal and her cat Angel in another large carrier would hiss back in response.

It was a comedy to help with the pain and such during the trip.

We made it back and I got her into a rehab place in the Boro which was nice but still a crowded nursing home.

Her roommate was so nice, but at 5:00am started country music which my rock n roll mom hated.

So she asked me to "bust her outta there"..

I started the journey of learning to make my home in to a hospital room.

She knew she was not doing well and I would try to encourage her but we both knew.

Cancer was there. And it was not going away.

She passed away on Oct. 5th.

Sometimes... I wonder if I did enough. Sometimes I wonder....

I miss her and I was grateful for my time with her.

I do not miss West Texas heat (105) most days, the sandstorms, the water shortage, the fires surrounding the city, and the intense loneliness I had while I was there.

I missed my family and my cats a lot.

I did bring one of my cats to Texas with me after I returned to bring my son home for the school year and she was a comfort to me.

We had a memorial service at the park, and it was a wonderful day. Mom would have approved. We played CCR.


Comments
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Lesa, there is a beauty and grace in the way you communicated six painful months in such a succinct array of short sentences.

As a fellow writer, I know in between you wanted to cry out ... describe how life had not prepared you for the awfulness of losing your mother.

We've never met, but we have parallels, and I have much empathy: I lost my mom in 2004, only six weeks after the cancer diagnoses had arrived.

Earlier this year, we drove home from Arizona with two kids, two dogs, two cats in tow! One of the cats is very vocal, and I fb'd that he sounded like Gary the Snail during the journey. Meow!

Keep writing. My love to you in this time.

-- Posted by tsimmons on Wed, Oct 19, 2011, at 11:02 PM

You did what you could, so rest easy that you did enough.

After a point, there is little that can be done except to express your love and you were able to do that in person. Some are not able to do that, but still, they do what they can.

She is at peace now, so you do what you need to, pick up your life and move forward. Our family condolences.

I think she would approve of your picture choice and certainly your music!

-- Posted by stevemills on Thu, Oct 20, 2011, at 6:46 AM

thanks guys.. Gary The Snail..that is FUNNY!!

-- Posted by 4fabfelines on Mon, Oct 24, 2011, at 7:40 PM


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Lesa Cox
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Lesa Cox has owned a cleaning service and a bookstore; now, she repairs and maintains computers for the elderly and others on a fixed income. She enjoys animals, gardening, books and fixing old cars. She and her husband have one son, who suffers from Asperger's syndrome.