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The DRAMA of teenagersPosted Wednesday, January 27, 2010, at 3:36 PM
Well now that my children are in their mid - teens and still alive to talk about it. I thought I would get some perspective from them on something I could blog about.
The drama of teen years...ok wait...D R A M A....that's better. Things haven't changed that much at the school since I was there, but then again they have changed drastically. You know new building, better programs..the good things. There are still teachers you love and those you love to hate...no offense. Some subjects apparently rock and some su....well just the opposite. The school part is pretty much normal. It's the socially created chaos by teenagers with raging hormones who are basically oblivious to the world other than me...me... MEEEEEE.....that is at the center of this monsoon. Oh my goodness....pregnancy here, drugs there, drinking, and fighting. I know things like that happen when I was a teen, but come on. I have been blessed or cursed with children that tell me almost everything in detail even if I put my hands over my ears and break out into song. The things we often have to talk about, because it is forced on us by other people, creates an awkward silence and almost always odd conversation. Of course the birds and bees have long since flown out the window, it's everything in between that is now been placed on the table like wax fruit..it will never rot..it just sits there..so you just have to deal with it. Ok..on to the behavior. Why aren't parents paying attention? I don't understand. Teenagers rebel. I did and I get it. At what point do you stop the madness and actually see your son or daughter. They are right there in front of you, talk to them. I have encountered the rude, obnoxious, horrific, and terrible behavior from some teens lately. Are they starved for attention good or bad...much or not too much? The way their "RESPECT" has been tossed out the window and replaced with "EXPECT you to do everything for them" is just crazy. Last time I check I was the adult, and mine know not to mess with mom. They have tried recently with no great success. I see some kids that have grown up with mine just developing a very bad attitude. I know it's hard to see when they are right in front of you. I guess you have to take a step back and look every once in a while. Make them responsible for their actions, morals are a good thing remind them of that, and tell them to have confidence in themselves even if no one else does. And for the love of everything... tell them to be nice to people even if they hate them...those people may be their boss one day.. I realize how hard it is to raise teens, but that's not an excuse to let them run BUCK WILD.... Ok..well..thanks for listening to the rant..and parents keep wearing them down..you know what I mean. And as always tell me what you think..... Comments Showing comments in chronological order [Show most recent comments first] |
Troxler, a native of Bedford County, lived in Shelbyville all her life, until recently moving to Unionville. She has three teenagers. She's an amateur photographer.
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It's been awhile since I have raised teens, but I deal with them and their families regularly in my avocation. I have found that many teens (and even some children) demand the privileges of an adult, but don't want to deal with the reality that with those privileges comes accountability and responsibility.
If asked why, based solely on personal observations of families that I have dealt with, the parents have abdicated their authority to their children. They want to be the child's best friend and not the authority figure in charge. When their children are rude, or destroy, or take things that do not belong to them, the parents rush in and have an excuse for their child's behavior - it is never the child who is at fault. These people think that they are instilling self-esteem and confidence when in fact I believe they are rewarding boorish behavior and even condoning it.
I always told my children and the other children in my care that they would and could have a "million" friends, but they only got one "Mom" and I was it! I was the adult, I had more life experience and I was in charge. I was blessed that when they grew to adulthood I am still their "Mom", but I am also now considered their best friend. The first time my youngest introduced me to some of her new friends as "This is my best friend and she's also my MOM." I almost cried.
Parents like you must be a great hardship on kids nowadays.
Back in the Golden Age,parents were too old and clueless to understand how perceptive youngsters could be.
There were exceptions,of course,but their offspring were either so mature and dutiful that they could be left to their own devices (like all those teen sleuths ) or they were so callow themselves that they never strayed two feet from an all-knowing,responsible adult.
Now,the parents aren't that much different from the kids.
They care about the world,their wardrobe is cool,their taste in music is edgy and meaningful,they don't look any worse on the dance floor than their kids and they have a sense of humor.
They have more experience and responsibilities but they have no less zest and savvy than the younger generation.
"When I was your age..." has been succeeded by "been there,done that,got the t-shirt."
While adults of a bygone era never erred and never developed the vision and depth of feeling of their children,today's grown-ups not only understand the kid's views,they can anticipate any scheme a youngster might have in mind because they invented the details back in their day.
They know what works and what doesn't and have few qualms about letting the youths in on the secret.
They know kids aren't simpletons or monsters.
They know they aren't saints and geniuses,either.
They're pretty much the same as the adults over them.
The biggest difference is that the older you get,the more you know and the more you see what you've yet to learn.
Kids may hope that their elders are too busy dealing with today to prepare them for tomorrow.
Don't count on it.
They're relying on today's teens to run things in the future and instruct the children to come.
No mom or dad with any sense is going to turn over the world's reins to anyone who isn't strong enough,clever enough and moral enough to get it right.
They WILL trust their kids but they'll make sure that faith has been earned first by giving them the right foundation.
I think one thing you did right,amalphia,was to never stop being your own person first.
You were not and are not an extension of another that ceases to exist when they aren't concentrating on you.
You do not see other people as "props" in your turn around the stage.
You see an overlap between your lives and theirs so that each has elements that work on their own and each has parts that are interdependent with separate entities.
Because of this,you prove you have a stake in a person's life but they retain the ultimate responsibility over their own choices.
You own yourself but those who share your world have the right to insist that you be a good steward of the life you've been given.
To use another theatrical analogy,although we are the leads in our own dramas and must play our parts and hit our marks accordingly,if we are negligent of our duties to our fellow performers,we risk ruining the whole production.
We must look beyond ourselves to succeed.
When we excell at being "supporting players",we cannot help but do well with our own star turns.
You show those around you how and why to be a team player and,to switch analogies,an MVP never assumes he's the only person on the field.
I don't know about you folks but I know that for me "puberty" was much harder the second and third time around..........(as the parent instead of the teen). It wasn't until my boys had grown that I realized how glad I was I did not have girls, they scare me, lol
gottago, here you go:http://www.t-g.com/story/1605792.html
oops, sorry posted that on the wrong blog. :)
Meredith....Our 8th one finished school this past May at Cascade High. 6 boys and 2 girls. We have been very lucky with our children. Our youngest is now going to the tech school full time and loving it. Our other children went to school in North Carolina and it was a wonderful school just like Cascade High. We moved here when our youngest was 4.So I think going to a good school helps alot. Plus we show all our children respect and in return we get respect back. We are always still there for them when they need to talk or help. We always had dinner together and did things together. Most important we always told them and still do I LOVE YOU. When they call we never hang up without saying I Love You. Our youngest still lives at home and every time he walks out the door he never leaves until he says love you and we say it back. He doesn't go to bed without telling us good nite and I love you and we say it back. RESPECT and LOVE is so important.
Too many teens are having babies. Sadly, when those babies become teens themselves, their parents may not be behaving correctly. I see this for up to four generations. There are no good role models in some families and no church family either, sadly.
Be a Mentor!
Teenage years: This too will pass :>)
One day soon you will look back and say I wish I could go back.. but then they will be all grown up with children of their own, complaining to you about the way their kids are acting. And you can take heart in knowing that those words you spoke so many times have come true "When you grow up I hope you have children that act just like you do!)
:>)
But really enjoy these years they pass by so quickly.
LOL...peer pressure and "1,200+ hormone driven teenagers" all corraled into one school is precisely why we choose to homeschool our 14 year old daughter.
BTW, I hear Lillie has a crush on one of yours Meredith...should we worry, lol! :>) I know your sons have been raised right, no worries there from me.
Good luck......I'm still recovering from raising the oldest three. Will it ever end...I've been raising children for 22 years...Oh God, Emily is only 3!!!
countrymom, I became a mom at 15, and until recently I would have been upset with your comment. My son is now almost 19 and is in college. I worked very hard to bring him up with good morals. He has been a blessing to myself and my husband(who has raised him but is not biologically his father). I know some of the girls who had a child when I did, have not done the same for their children, and it is just a tragedy to me. I think most parents want better for their children than we had for ourselves so I really don't know how these mothers and fathers don't step up and do a better job. I have tried to lead by example and yes I messed up a few times, but I think that was part of what taught my son to be humble and learn to move forward and say you're sorry when you are wrong. Sorry, I didn't mean to get on the old soap-box, but I just wish there was more people in this world speaking out about this issue.
dakscarlton
We all mess up raising our children whether you are a 15 year old single mother or a 45 year old married mother. There is no book to go by although maybe there should be a guide line book for raising children :>)
I think every child is different and what is best for your child may be totally wrong for another.
There are no right or wrong answers we all just do the best we can and hope for the best.
"We all mess up raising our children whether you are a 15 year old single mother or a 45 year old married mother. There is no book to go by although maybe there should be a guide line book for raising children :>)
I think every child is different and what is best for your child may be totally wrong for another.
There are no right or wrong answers we all just do the best we can and hope for the best."
-- Posted by Dianatn on Thu, Feb 4, 2010, at 11:12 AM
WELL SAID Dianatn!
dakscarlton--
I became a mom at 16. Twenty-two years later I now have 6 children--three grown, three at home. Like everyone else, I've made mistakes along the way and have tried to correct them. I've learned from raising the oldest three what not to do with the youngest three.
Parenting is a learning process with no definitive play book. The best philosophy to live by is going to always be 'lead by example.' You've done that with your son, and you can both be proud. If God didn't expect us to make mistakes, he wouldn't have helped us invent erasers.
Remember,even God knows what it's like to have offspring hang out with questionable people,get looked down on by the elite,get in trouble with the law or even die at far too young an age.
The best parents can do is to love those children,provide good standards and good examples and make sure that all of those who help them grow up love them-whether they are blood kin or not.
The results may not always be ideal even if we do our best.
But,a child who has had guidance and love just might overcome any obstacles.
On this planet,it takes more than having a perfect parent to show how to go through life without making a mistake.
It's necessary to have,at least,one person around to demonstrate how to mess up,leave things undone,make bad choices and STILL be capable of doing good,making amends,turning over a new leaf,apologizing for the past and improving steadily with progress into the future.
I've seen some pretty amazing kids ready to pick up where we leave off.
They've had some excellent,ordinary *mortal* adults blazing the trail for them.
That doesn't mean none of them will stumble.
It does mean they will have a better idea of where they're headed and more likely to arrive there safely because of the paths others wore on their own journey.
Shawna,
My oldest daughter once introduced herself as my "practice child." She claimed that by the time her sibling came along, I had figured it out.
My children are best friends with one another and look to each other, as well as their parents, for support and love. They are as different as day and night. Each was a unique challenge learning to meet their needs. To show them that there were limits and accountability, but also that they were always loved. What was the right way for one wasn't right for the other. I didn't always get it right but, thankfully, they are also a forgiving and loving pair.