News flash: Bedford County high school students will only be allowed to drive small, used cars and trucks to school.
"By limiting students to small, used vehicles, at least five years old, with four-cylinder engines we make sure there are no visible class distinctions," a school board press release said. "Plus, specifying small vehicles limits fast, reckless driving, reduces gasoline use and opens up space in cramped parking lots. And, it prevents students from ganging up talking about their vehicles.
"We must ensure uniformity among students," the board said.
Students will also be banned from placing any decals, front license plates, etc., on their cars indicating personal interests or preferences in sports teams, music or any other subject. The only exception will be decals or plates supporting their school's athletic teams.
In addition, vehicles must be painted standard factory colors. No custom paint designs will be allowed. Stripes will be banned as well because they could be considered an attempt to make vehicles more noticeable.
"Low-riding" cars will be banned, and suspect vehicles' ground clearances will be measured to ensure suspensions are set at factory height.
Parking lots will be inspected daily to ensure compliance.
When school board members were asked if they drove flashy and/or muscle cars during their school days and if those vehicles downgraded their academic performances, they appeared surprised at the question but remained silent.
Okay, admittedly I made this up. Ridiculous, right? But does it sound...familiar?