Shelbyville, Tennessee · Friday, November 20, 2009
[SeMissourian.com] Fair ~ 45°F  
High: 59°F ~ Low: 41°F
Take these tales with a grain of salt (11/18/09)
This has been a week for what I call "Duh!" news. For example, researchers recently announced chocolate can lower your blood pressure -- and a Hershey's kiss can give you more of an emotion buzz than a real kiss. Like I said -- duh. The article reminded of another amazing, miraculous, brand new tidbit these so-called researchers (all of whom I assume are men) came out with a couple of years ago...
Equal time for the rest of the family (11/15/09)
COLUMNIST'S NOTE: Husbands, children, this is the column you want to stick on the fridge. In my Wednesday column, I explained why I was going on strike. Naturally, my family had their own response to my list of crimes and conditions. Why We are Going on Strike, Too...
McWaiting for family to clean up its act (11/11/09)
Why Mom is on strike: a note to Husband and Sons Ben ... 1. Just because I have a driver's license does not mean I am your chauffeur. 2. Just because I am your chauffeur does not mean you can blow off work early, walk to your favorite geek store and not come home until midnight while I am sitting in front of McDonald's McWaiting for you....
Independence arrives slowly (11/08/09)
There was a line on "Desperate Housewives" a couple of weeks ago when Gaby, the self-absorbed former model and indifferent housewife, berated herself for being such a terrible mom. Her husband Carlos consoled her after a clown-mauling chimp wreaked havoc at their daughter's birthday party. He pointed out that their girls didn't panic like the other kids...
A novel effort in November (11/04/09)
"Mom? It's 7:45. Are you taking us to school?" "Mom, the cats haven't been fed and they're staring at Dad while he's napping and licking their lips." "Mom? Mom? Are you in there Mom?" "What?" I dragged my hands away from the keyboard and my mind out of the torrid romance of the he-saids and she-saids of my growing novel to stare at the two bedraggled and neglected waifs standing behind me. ...
The ever-changing seasons of our lives (11/01/09)
One day a couple of weeks ago, it was grey and wet and blustery. (Please, O Mighty Editors, leave in the Brit spelling of "grey" instead of "gray." Grey is the wild heath in winter and gray is the color of government-issued metal desks.) I was driving the boys to school and said, "It's a Novembery day."...
Age knows no limits at trick-or-treat time (10/28/09)
One of the Times-Gazette bloggers, Bo Melson, asked a question online the other day about when are you too old to go trick or treating? The answers were varied and funny and it brought to mind a funny column by the late great humorist and mom, Erma Bombeck. The one part I remember best was along the lines of "If you can drive yourself from house to house, you're too old to be trick-or-treating."...
Few things beat the thrill of that first paycheck (10/25/09)
When I first started working, mowing lawns and baby sitting at 9 (younger than my youngest is now), I had a deal with my mom. I always gave her half of my earnings. Then, when I wanted to buy something major, she and Dad would match whatever she had saved back for me. ...
Crossing her fingers, hoping for better luck (10/21/09)
I'm going to have to start watching Titans football games again. I know most of you are rolling your eyes and asking, "Why?" because of the miserable season the boys in blue are having this year, but that's just it. It's all my fault they're losing...
Out of the mouths of babes: 'You've got a hole in your sweater!' (10/18/09)
What better place is there to learn a valuable lesson than at school? I went out to Learning Way Elementary School Tuesday for a story about National School Lunch Week and was quickly reminded that even hard-core, jaded, cynical, tough-as-nails-investigative reporters could learn a trick or two from a pack of third graders...
Enter the perfect canine (10/15/09)
Well, I now have a dog and frankly, it's totally creeping me out. I'm not a dog person. I've had some good ones in my life, from Bonnie the cocker spaniel to Topsy, The Ugliest Dog on Earth (Why didn't they have that competition when I had her???) There was Jelly Bean, the dachshund and Silver, the Rottweiler-spitz cross (very determined spitz daddy, very accommodating Rott mommy). ...
Fall festival truly rocks, without rolling your wallet (10/11/09)
I don't often use my column to plug commercial ventures -- Godiva chocolate not withstanding -- but I've really got to, this time. Take your kids to the Cedar Rock fall festival! I took Buzz with me briefly last Saturday on opening day because I was one of the judges for the scarecrow contest. ...
Jargon sometimes separates journalists from readers (10/07/09)
I was watching some television show the other day and one character was trying to tell something very important to another character. His story was long, drawn out, and he left the most important fact until the very end. "Don't bury the lede!" snapped the listening character...
Advice for that first job: it's all about the attitude (10/04/09)
Ben got a job. I don't know whether to be excited, relieved, or worried that my 17-year-old will soon be dedicating his free time to flipping burgers at McDs in Tullahoma, but since he's tickled, I will be too. Actually, I really am tickled for him. My first good job was at the same McDonald's exactly 30 years ago and although Ben isn't going to have the rare privilege for working for the then-owner Jim Devlin, I think he's going to like it there...
An apple a day ... may not be enough (09/30/09)
Flashback to Eden. Eve saunters over to Adam and holds out her hand. Nestled there is a tiny, tart, perfect gold and brown speckled apple. "Oh, man," says Adam. "Dad's been here, hasn't he?" If Adam had been living in our house over the last few weeks, he'd have had no problem resisting that temptation. My father-in-law keeps his beehives in a neighbor's pick-your-own apple orchard and for the pollination stud service, he gets pick of the litter -- meaning he's been bringing us apples...
The real meaning of the 'name game' (09/27/09)
Having pregnant coworkers is a lot of fun -- and I'm serious about that! Besides getting to feel all wise-womany, filled with "been there-done that" advice, I get to put my two bits in when they are deciding on names. I learned at an early age to be very careful about that. ...
Memorable moments captured for others to share (09/24/09)
I was driving into work one morning last week. It was gray and blue and drizzly and I was sort of feeling the same way. Then, as I turned onto Depot Street, I caught a glimpse of the Capri Theater's marquee. It was turned on, glowing warm reddish-orange in the gloom and I felt the most wonderful feeling of contentment wash over me. And ambush of ambiance...
Holiday takes a year of advance planning (09/20/09)
Buzz begins planning for his Halloween costume on Nov. 1. Now, true, most kids get inspired by the outfits they saw the night before and talk about what they want to be next year, but for Buzz, it is Serious Business. Having been exposed to The Little Shop of Horrors by his singing, dancing, acting brother, he's decided he wants to be the man-eating plant Audrey II. It could have been worse, I guess. He could have wanted to be Audrey I...
Other people's bad manners (09/16/09)
Is it just me, or is there an outbreak of footus inmouthus disease lately? From politics to music and sports, Americans are jumping up and down and screaming for the chance to look really, really bad in the spotlight. It really came to my notice with the town meetings about health care. I believe in democracy, I believe in the right to speak your mind -- but I also believe in common civility and taking turns...
The Buzz from the Celebration (09/13/09)
I took Buzz to the Celebration on the last Thursday night of the show. There's nothing like seeing something through the eyes of a child to make you see it brand new for yourself. This was his first horse show, and after the second or third class, he turned to me, puzzled...
The most lovable cause of mental illness: children (09/06/09)
Someone, please, remind me why we have children. I know we have to continue the species and keep Johnson & Johnson's Band-Aid division in the black, but other than that, really, why do we have kids? I'm writing this, thinking about last weekend. As the Celebration got rolling, I got to rolling home later and later every night. ...
Cleanliness is next to impossible (08/26/09)
I would be the world's worst housewife. Actually, I am the world's worst housewife, and the main reason I work for a living is to have an excuse for not having a spotless house. But it's more than the cleaning that scares me away from domesticity -- it's the television. ...
Work keeps teenager busy, but he's learning life lessons (08/23/09)
My 17-year-old is looking for a job. He's been a little bit hampered by his Catch-22 situation -- he wants a job to buy a car and he can't get a job because he doesn't have a car. At least, that's his excuse, but I have to gently remind him that the fact that he is in the marching band, which means afternoon practices, Friday night football games, and all-day Saturday competitions, might have something to do with it. ...
The urge to destroy (08/19/09)
I try to write my columns first thing in the morning because it's easier to be funny before the world has ticked you off. Recently, though, that was problem when my husband's clock radio went off and the fist thing I heard was about the woman trying to destroy the Mona Lisa at the Louvre in Paris...
What they're saying, and what they're really saying (08/16/09)
Sometimes it's important to hear what your children aren't telling you as much as what they are. For instance, when your high school senior says, "I have to be at school early tomorrow morning," he is really saying, "I've got garbage pick-up duty for calling the coach a moron." When your 10-year-old tells you, "I don't really need any extra money for snacks at school," he means, of course, "I'd really, really, really like to have extra money for snacks at school."...
Side effects aside, serendipity often changes the world (08/12/09)
Who was the first person hungry enough to eat limburger cheese? And how hungry did they have to be before it started tasting good? It was M&Ms, paralyzed mice and the Blue Man Group who brought up the question. According to CNN, scientists have discovered that by injecting blue dye into the spinal cords of paralyzed mice, they can get the mice to walk again. ...
Face to face with reality in a storm (08/02/09)
Youth isn't wasted on the young -- sleep is. I've always found it interesting that people say someone "sleeps like a baby." What? They wake up every two hours and demand attention? What they should say is "They sleep like a 10-year-old" or "They slept like a teenager."...
It's (my) Official Read This Column Day (07/29/09)
July 31 is Go Commando Day -- and it has nothing to do with the armed forces. For those of you with the good luck and grace to grow up in a household totally different from mine, "going commando" means going without, um ... undergarments. Of the brief and boxer kind. Normally, I wouldn't stoop low enough to put this in a column, even if it is good for a giggle, but when I read the article about it, it reminded me of something the boys said last year...
Back to school time is the cats' meow (07/26/09)
I can't tell who's more excited about school starting back -- me or the cats. "Mooooommmm," they wail when I get home every night. "When is he getting out of our domain?" He, of course, being Buzz. They don't really object to him as a whole. Kismet the Hussy, who believes every lap was invented for his resting purposes, prefers Buzz's to all others, and even Karma the Standoffish will butt heads in greeting with my youngest son. ...
County fair moves to its own beat (07/22/09)
Who doesn't love the fair? Oh, alright, I know there's always one grump out there who says he doesn't just because it's his only pathetic way of standing out in a crowd, but let's ignore the Grinches and Scrooges of the world for now, shall we? I went out there last night to get a few pictures and a few quotes for a story. I didn't want to go. I wasn't feeling well. It was hot, it was humid and it was the end of a very long day...
Young reader gets the buzz from Potter stories (07/19/09)
Pottermania is back again -- and with it, the anti-Potters, who associate our boy wizard with the anti-Christ. I don't care. My youngest son, who rarely reads anything longer than a thought balloon in a comic strip or a direction code on a computer game, has just started reading the series for the first time, and as far as I'm concerned -- that's magic! He's already finished the first one, and it took him about a week just to get through the first chapter. ...
It would be a tragedy to miss this (07/15/09)
I'd forgotten how much the play "Romeo & Juliet" annoyed me until I saw the Tennessee Shakespeare Festival's version Friday night in Bell Buckle. Oh, don't get me wrong -- I loved it and plan on going back for more this weekend! But as a mom, I just want to toss a bucket of cold water over these over-reacting, hormone-ridden teenagers and avoid the tragedy altogether. I also wanted to jerk a knot in the good Friar Lawrence's belt for being such an enabler...
Smiles, tears as children find new direction (07/12/09)
The greatest joy in a parent's life is when her child finally learns to do something important -- walk, tie his shoes, put the toilet seat down -- that kind of thing. But those milestones bring their regrets, too. (Except the toilet seat one.) When he starts walking, you no longer have the excuse to carry the cuddly bundle everywhere. When he learns how to tie his shoes, you no longer have an excuse to play "chase the bunny" with the shoelaces and listen to your child's wild giggles...
Black ... is the new cliché (07/08/09)
Oh, I am so tired of "the New Black." That's the term cutesy fashion writers and how-to gurus term everything these days, not just the current trends in colors. According to adweek.com, frugality is the new black. According to Business Week, innovation is the new black, but the Boston Globe contains that when you're talking about homestyles, small is the new black...
Children refuse to stop growing (07/05/09)
The problem with summer is fertilizer. Between that, the heat, the rain and the sunshine, it makes things grow way too much, way too fast. Now that's a good thing if you're raising corn, but when you're raising children, it's a pain in the patootie. ...
Devotion, grief, and fallen idols (07/02/09)
Like everyone else, we've been inundated with dead celebrity news over the past week. My husband was watching some of the Michael Jackson coverage, just shaking his head. "I don't get it," he said. I do. I didn't like Michael Jackson -- his music or his lifestyle -- and I'm sure not going to start claiming I do now just because his death has elevated him to rock'n'roll sainthood. I never understood the whole glove thing, or the face sculpting. Half the time, I didn't even understand the lyrics...
For some, Internet keeps family connections alive (06/28/09)
We had a story in last week's Sunday edition about how the internet is destroying family time. In a way, I can understand that -- if one kid is plugged into his MySpace account and the other one is plugged into his Xbox, it's kind of hard to gather them around the dinner table for some good, quality together time...
The Play[tex]'s the thing (06/24/09)
It's not a conversation a mother expects to have with her 17-year-old son. "Have you got your Gatorade?" "Yep." "Did you remember to pack your good shoes to go with your Confederate uniform?" "Yes, Mom." "Don't forget to take the bra." Yes. That's what I wrote. I sent my son off to another week in Bell Buckle, getting ready for opening weekend of the Tennessee Shakespeare Festival, loaded down with sports drinks, costume supplements and at least one item of ladies' lingerie...
Perfect Father's Day gift comes with snack bar (06/21/09)
Thank goodness for Father's Day. My own dad's been gone for more than 31 years now, but we still have to get the obligatory John Deere something-or-other for my husband's dad, and some things for my husband as well. But giving a big, well-deserved "thank you" to dads everywhere isn't why I'll be glad once Father's Day has come and gone...
Surviving Bonaroo, flat on my back (06/17/09)
Well, I survived Bonnaroo, and despite my fears of middle-agedom, I had a great time. In fact, I'm considering dumping my family and my job and taking on a full-time career as a rock 'n' roll photographer. I've gotten to meet, interview and shoot famous people before, from the time I mugged comedian Bruce Vilanch at MGM Studios or interviewed the late Tiny Tim outside a seedy circus, standing in the sleet and rain while he answered questions through a cracked car window...
My heart goes out to those who have lost (06/14/09)
Be careful what you ask for ... you just might get it. I have been cackling happily over the prospect of an empty nest for a week, with the oldest at college, and the two youngest at camp. Unlimited computer time at home! No Spongebob Squarepants blaring through the house! No piles of dirty socks found in strange places .....
Too old for the 'roo? (06/10/09)
Heaven help me, I'm going to Bonnaroo. It's only one night, maybe two, and you'd think I'd be jumping up and down with excitement. And yet, oddly enough, I'm not ... Maybe it's because I'm going the night Bruce Springsteen, Eryka Badu, Al Green and John Oliver are not performing. ...
Important lessons earned at camp (06/07/09)
I've spent the week getting my two youngest boys packed and ready for their upcoming trips. Ben will be headed off to Webb School, where he gets to participate in this year's Tennessee Shakespeare Festival, and Buzz is off to church camp. I won't see either of them for a week, by which time I may have recovered from packing ... You'd think Bell Buckle was Outer Mongolia, based on the items my now-17-year-old wanted to take...
Whip-poor-me: camping requires no noisy birds (06/03/09)
H.P. Lovecraft was an early horror writer and in "The Dunwich Horror," he wrote about whip-poor-wills, a mottled brown and gray bird that sings at night. "Whip-poor-WILL." According to Lovecraft and New England folklore, the birds are servants of the devil and wait outside the home of a dying person. If their calls become louder, they have captured the soul and taken it to Satan. If they grow quiet, the soul escaped and made it to heaven...
Motherhood is worth all the fear (05/31/09)
A good friend of mine just told me she's having a baby. Well, she didn't exactly tell me. I heard the rumor almost 30 miles away and had to hunt her down to confirm it. I love small towns. But beneath the laughter and excitement as we talked, I could hear a strain of something else, something that was all too familiar...
What's wrong with hippies and geeks? (05/27/09)
What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding? I have to echo Elvis Costello's immortal question after reading some of the comments people made on the GeoWoodstock story that ran in Sunday's edition of the Times-Gazette. Instead of commenting about what the space-age treasure hunters were doing, the posters did some unexplained name-calling...
A little tyranny goes a long way (05/24/09)
"We're going to be empty-nesters for a week," I said to my husband. "Buzz will be at church camp and Ben will be away ..." "Oh, really?" "Mmm-hmm. Do you know what that means?" I purred. "Oh no!" he groaned and smacked his forehead with his hand. "That means I have to take out the garbage!"...
Harry Potter books provide a great escape (05/24/09)
I geek out on all things Harry Potter. I was first introduced to the book series in 2001 by my colleague, Mary Reeves, at which time she was editor of the Manchester Times and I was lifestyles editor at the Tullahoma News. She told me how excellent the books were, and I decided to read them...
Wizards, repairmen and turkey legs (05/20/09)
For weeks, we've been struggling with computer problems. Slow internet, dropped connections, and pop-up ads for marital aids I hope I'll never, ever need... We thought it was because of some spyware or a virus and I was resigned to bidding my Dell a sweet farewell. ...
Ants in her pants? All part of parenthood (05/17/09)
There are sacrifices we make for our children that they will never, ever know about -- until they have children of their own. There are the obvious sacrifices -- right before I found out we were expecting our first child, my husband and I were about to put the down payment on a little farm. Weighing mortgage vs. labor and delivery, the kid won...
The windshield wipers of love (05/13/09)
I got windshield wipers for Mother's Day. Normally, this kind of announcement precedes a 20-minute rant about why divorces happen, but not this time. When I got into the van, ready to drive through the rain in Nashville at night, and I could suddenly, miraculously see where I was going, I knew exactly what the present meant...
I'm not a mom. I'm not a good babysitter, either. (05/10/09)
As a special tribute to all of our mothers out there, today you'll find a few articles and columns in this issue that relate to all the very special ladies out there we call mom. When I began planning today's Life & Leisure section, a co-worker of mine suggested that we -- the three women on the news staff -- all share our own personal perspectives on motherhood...
Today's my day, and I just want to feel appreciated! (05/10/09)
This column is for my kids -- and for every other teenaged son out there. It's Mother's Day and there's something special I want to share with all of you. If you're reading this and slapping yourself on the forehead and doing your best Homer Simpson impersonation ("Doh!") -- it's too late. You've forgotten Mother's Day again and I don't care how expensive that last minute bouquet is, Mom is never going to forget that you forgot...
Down and dirty on the farm (05/06/09)
It's Tuesday afternoon. I have a grease stain on my shirt and wood chips in my shoes. At least, I hope it's wood chips, but considering I've been wandering through a petting zoo and a barn, there's no telling ... So far, this day, I've been nibbled on by a goat, sneezed on by a llama and licked by a black Angus heifer that weighs more than my last compact car...
Looking for a kernel of truth (05/03/09)
Corn is the root of all evil. At least, it is until the next root of all evil can be found. I love the way food trends come and go and we lap up every bit of information and misinformation they feed us and swallow it. And keep it down. I'm just as guilty as everyone else. I went fishless for nearly three years because I was afraid of mercury levels. I -- the queen of caffeine -- stopped drinking coffee for the short time it was on the suspect list...
Oprah's book club? Snooze club is more like it (04/29/09)
A friend of mine has my dream job. She reads romance novels all day, then gets to tell the authors what's wrong with them. The novels, I mean, not the authors. Or maybe the authors, too, who knows? And she gets paid for this! It's not that I don't love my current job, I do -- but think how nice it would be if all those hours I "waste" sitting by the pool with the latest Nora Roberts actually paid off? Considering that I am a voracious reader, I could soon be reading Nora by the pool in Cannes or Rio or Tuscany .... ...
Common sense doesn't inhabit teens' world (04/26/09)
Why is it the most important thing you have to teach your child is the hardest thing you'll ever have to teach your child? No, I'm not harping on the toilet seat thing again. I'm talking about common sense. I'm talking about explaining to the 16-year-old that when you asked him to wash the whites, you meant underwear, not sheets...
The great outdoors grates on columnist (04/22/09)
My apologies to Will and the Dane ... To medicate or not to medicate -- that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the chest to suffer the hacks and wheezes of outrageous spring colds or to take OTC drugs and by ingesting, end them. And by ending them? To breathe, to sleep --...
It's April 19 again (04/19/09)
I'm not a big fan of surprises. I'm one of those people who can't stand to watch people blow up balloons, crank up jack-in-the-boxes, or count hanging chads in Florida elections. You know it's going to be loud, obnoxious and ugly when it happens -- you just don't know when...
All hail the Queen of Road Rage (04/15/09)
I swore I wasn't going to write about paying taxes, no matter what today's date is. I thought I'd tackle a topic a little less inflammatory and wrath-provoking. Something that, compared to taxes, is as light and fluffy as a marshmallow peep. Like, oh, handguns and why I won't own one...
She's sick of using her noodle (04/12/09)
I'm so sick of noodles I could scream. Ramen noodles. Generic chicken noodle soup (a voodoo priestess waves a chicken over a bowl of hot water and throws in one noodle). Macaroni noodles. When this depression/recession/frustration is over, I'm stocking my freezer with nothing but red meat and I'm not eating another noodle until they find some way to make it taste like a T-bone...
Happy birthday, brother (04/08/09)
Today is my brother's 51st birthday. So John -- happy B-Day, and congratulations for defying tradition! Our father died when he turned 50 -- as did his father and his grandfather. Our older brother died at 50, and John has been marking time, assuming that 2008 would be his last full year on this earth. ...
The case of the missing Kiz (04/05/09)
And the cat came back... Last Saturday, Terry, my husband, and I had to go out of town to help clean up our favorite campground, getting it ready for the season. Somehow, while we were gone, a door was left open. According to the boys, who stayed home, it was the work of those pesky poltergeists Ida Know and Not Me, but it was the kittens who took advantage of it. ...
Just can't escape the theater's pull (04/02/09)
I was active in drama all four years of high school, but never pursued it while I was in college. A few years after college, in the late 1980s, I found myself trying out for a community theater production in Tullahoma, a mystery farce called "Let's Murder Marsha."...
The road less labeled (04/01/09)
I want to commend the ambulance drivers, fire fighters, law enforcement officers and postal carriers of Bedford County -- and ask you what kind of GPS you use. Considering that there are fewer street signs around here than there are jobs, it is a miracle y'all get where you need to go and get there on time...
At the (spring) breaking point (03/29/09)
My kids have been on spring break for the last two weeks, and if I can't send them back to school soon, I'm loaning them to my brother-in-law. He runs a construction company that specializes in destruction. Water towers, old buildings, the peace and quiet of a Saturday morning -- you name it, he and his Caterpillar can destroy it. My sons would be an invaluable asset...
Quiz me, poll me, redefine me (03/25/09)
I haven't decided if I like Facebook or loathe it. On one hand, it has reconnected me with many, many folks I lost track of since my mom died and we moved six times in three years. On the other hand, the "Which Sexy Lady Are You" quiz told me I was Doris Day...
Mom milks trip for all it's worth (03/22/09)
My college boy was home last weekend for three whole days! Scott goes to the Nossi art school in Madison at nights, works at Food Lion during the day, and is paying his way through school by himself, including his apartment. So his schedule is full, his days and nights are busy, and no, he never calls home unless he needs something...
Entertainment should be an escape from reality (03/18/09)
Desperate times don't call for desperate measures. They call for a pie fight. During the Great Depression, going to the movies was one of the few things almost everyone could afford. Heck, even I can remember when two dollars got me in and a dollar bought a hotdog, a candy bar and a cup of Dr. Pepper, and I'm not that old, no matter what my kids, my joints and my bifocals say...
'Survivor: The Jungle Gym Edition' (03/15/09)
PTA stands for Patient Teachers are AWESOME. This has been a rough year for my youngest son. His much adored and worshipped oldest brother disappeared from the face of the earth, eaten up by slime-gliding cyborg aliens from the planet Jronkksnot (much more acceptable to a 10-year-old than a girlfriend, a job and college.)...
We're being infiltrated by aliens (03/11/09)
There are aliens among us. I don't mean illegal aliens from countries south of our border, either. I mean real, honest-to-goodness bug-eyed monsters, green-skinned, antenna-totin', straight from the red hills of Mars aliens. Only they're sneaky and they can disguise themselves as human. Sort of...
Snowfall creates fun -- for 50 percent of the family (03/08/09)
There are times I wish I could walk around with a video camera attached to my head, to capture those rare moments ... I woke Buzz up Sunday morning and told him he needed to go outside. "Why?" he muttered. (Not a morning person, that one). "Look out the window."...
Needing a jump-start on her birthday (03/04/09)
Another birthday come and gone. Whee. I'm not one of those who whines about getting older -- as the saying goes, it beats the alternative -- but I really don't like my birthday. My little brother's is on July 2, so he always got fireworks for his celebration. But the end of February? I got colds...
A tale of two kitties (02/25/09)
I woke up the other morning with a heavy weight on my chest. I couldn't breathe and my heart was racing. Another angina attack? Cardiac arrest? Or, I thought, as I opened my mouth and got a cat-fur cocktail, the kittens are awake -- and hungry. It was cute when they were little. The would drag their tiny bodies up to my sleeping chest and stare at me with their little eyes, doing their best black velvet imitations of starving kitties...
The shoe must go on (02/18/09)
I was late to work today -- that is, I was later than usual today -- because someone in my dearly beloved family had the audacity to clean the living room. Besides being a major archeological dig that revealed two Christmas ornaments, a cat toy, five socks and a sofa, that meant someone put my shoes up. In my closet...
Springing toward adventure on a winter's day (02/11/09)
What a weekend! I didn't get any housework done. The laundry is still threatening to overtake the den, and the dishes sat in the dishwasher until a new load was ready to clean. I don't care. I spent Saturday hiking a grassy hill and sitting in a camp chair, letting the sun soak in. I know this isn't the "real" spring -- there are probably more frosts and snows and cold, gray days ahead, but I'll take what I can get, especially after the miserable January we just had...
It's simply a matter of culture schlock (02/04/09)
I got tickled last week when American Idol's Simon Cowell got his knickers in a knot because a failed contestant told the judges, "Y'all be careful, now." Apparently Simple Simon thought he was being threatened. No, Simon, it's just a Southern thing. In fact, "Y'all be careful" is about as far from a threat as it can get -- it's an expression of caring. "Y'all be careful because we don't want anything to happen to you."...
Beating the blues by finding my inner geek (01/28/09)
I did an article recently about battling the winter blues and blahs and one of the suggestions the counselor gave was breaking your routine. If you always go to the grocery store on Saturday morning -- go Friday night instead. If you always run errands on Tuesdays -- go to an art gallery instead...
Hope is always the better choice (01/21/09)
For years to come, I'll preface my version of Barack Obama's inauguration with, "Well, I was stoned at the time, but this is what I remember ..." Legally stoned, mind you. I had just had an arteriogram, complete with a couple of valium and some other nice, euphoria-inducing drug they slipped into the IV later. ...
Aging baby prepares for death of an era (01/15/09)
I know after this column comes out, I'll have to duck to avoid bananas being thrown at me by my co-workers. Well, actually, we don't believe in fruit here in the newsroom, so I will probably be ducking from all the candy bars and other objects that will be thrown my way...
We can help with heating costs (01/14/09)
Getting old just stinks. Body parts creak and pop. The print on the page shrinks daily. You realize your children aren't growing phenomenally fast -- you're just shrinking at the same rate they're shooting up. Normally, I'm not one to sit around and moan about getting old. (I'll sit around and moan about lots of other things though -- just ask my co-workers!)...
My predictions for the new year (01/07/09)
I know most people come dragging back to work the Monday after New Year's with that "Here we go again" feeling. It's kind of like the most Monday of all Mondays. But I love it. I love new beginnings. I was probably the only kid I knew growing up who could not wait for the first day of school, with the grape-popsicle smell of ditto sheets and the excitement of meeting a new teacher and learning a new routine...
Committing to a healthier new year (01/02/09)
Are you sick of hearing about New Year's resolutions yet? Me too. That's why I'm not going to write another thing about New Year's resolutions. Instead, I'm going to write about My Plans For Improvement This Year. In Wednesday's paper, Mary Reeves interviewed Susan Gillpatrick, crisis management specialist for Centerstone, who had some tips for sticking to our Plans For Improvement. I liked what Susan had to say...
Time to renew commitments to Mom, husband, God (12/31/08)
I can't remember the last time I made a New Year's resolution, but this year I'm making up for my normal lack of participation in annual commitments to better myself. I need to. I'm not sure why, but 2008, as great a year as it was for me personally, has left me spread pretty thin. My holiday vacation (reviewed in full, as promised, by my husband, Jack, elsewhere on this site) was a major indicator as to why I need to make resolutions this year...
Making resolutions for others is more fun (12/31/08)
I usually only make one resolution every New Year -- and that's not to make any resolutions. But this year, with my recent health scare, I'm having to make those self-improvement plans I should have been making all along. Lose weight. Stop smoking. Lower my blood pressure. Find the magic spell that lets me do all three at once .....
An endless quest to surprise my husband (12/24/08)
I hate buying presents for my husband, and not just because he has Dom Perignon tastes for my Near Beer budget. He always, always, always guesses what the present is. It doesn't matter how I wrap it, disguise it, or even hide it away until Christmas morning...
All I want for Christmas is more folks who know how to give ... and receive (12/17/08)
Like everybody else, we're having a tightly budgeted Christmas this year, but there is at least one benefit. Since my middle child wants to be a professional entertainer, he'll already have a great stand-up comedy routine called "My parents are so cheap at Christmas that ..."...
Holiday traditions are worth the effort (12/10/08)
We recently ran a story about holiday traditions. Many were familiar, some were great ideas I'd like to add to our family traditions, and some of them made me laugh out loud -- what great ideas! One of our more bizarre traditions involve pink flamingos. Just before my husband and I married, I make a joking, mildly disparaging remark about pink flamingo lawn ornaments in front of his brothers and sisters...
Health problems are a wake-up call (12/03/08)
Even though my column doesn't show up in the paper until Wednesday, I usually write it Monday morning -- just kind of a brain-awakening exercise to prime me for the rest of the week. So last Monday, when I wrote my Thanksgiving column, giving thanks for my health -- such as it is -- I was a little premature. About 24 hours after I wrote about my recent high blood pressure diagnosis, I was in the hospital with chest pains. An EKG revealed my heart was skipping beats...
There's plenty for which to give thanks (11/26/08)
It's that thankful time again. It's easier to be thankful some years than others and this is definitely one of those "other" years. A Murphy year, and one I can't wait to ring out on Dec. 31. But I channeled my inner Pollyanna to drag up some things for which I'm grateful anyway...
New pets were just meant to arrive (11/19/08)
It's enough to make you believe in karma, kismet, fate, angels and Santa Claus. I've never been one to run out and get a pet as soon as the first pet dies. My heart is usually too bruised to even consider giving it away again to some tiny, furry, fragile body. So when Tasha died last week, we decided to wait a while before getting a new pet...
'Grampa Ed' comes alive as the memories roll (11/12/08)
Besides being Veterans Day, yesterday was also my dad's birthday -- he would have been 81. When he died, he was 50, I was 15, and I thought my world had ended. For years after, I could only remember him with sorrow and regret. Lately, my youngest son, who only has one living grandparent, started asking questions about the "Grampa Ed" he never got to meet, and, even though it was painful, I started talking about him...
Presidential race mesmerizes young 'voter' (11/05/08)
I had one of those "Omigosh, I'm getting old" moments Tuesday morning, when I realized my oldest son was voting for the president at the same time I was. For that matter, so was my youngest son, only, unlike Scott's, Buzz's vote didn't count. He goes to Bel-Aire Elementary School in Tullahoma, which has always been the bellwether voting precinct for the town. How the vote goes there, so it usually goes nationwide...
A right and a responsibility (11/02/08)
My co-worker Mary Reeves recently wrote a great blog post urging people to get out and vote. She included the oft-spoken line that if you don't vote, you don't have the right to complain. Well, that drew a response from one of our commenters: "I am all for voting, but your comment about not griping unless you vote is wrong. If I don't vote, I still have the right to gripe because I pay taxes."...
If you're a ghost, just give us a sign (10/31/08)
October has always been my favorite month of the year -- cool breezes, falling leaves, and all sorts of festivities to participate in. Along with all that, Halloween is the icing on the cake for October, in my opinion. The idea that Halloween night (a.k.a. All Hallows Eve) is the one night of the year during which the spirits of the dead can return to Earth has intrigued me for years...
'Mary's Law' strikes at the worst times (10/29/08)
I've decided to rename Murphy's Law into Mary's Law because, believe me -- if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong with me first. My 16-year-old, Ben, plays trumpet in the Tullahoma High School band, which means almost every Friday night, when I'd rather be hibernating, I'm dragging my sleepy self out to the minivan and over to the high school to pick him up after a football game...
The great Halloween costume dilemma has begun (10/22/08)
With Halloween just around the corner, the great costume dilemma begins at our house. You'd think with only a 9-year-old to outfit, it would be easy, especially since he starts planning his costume around 10 p.m. Oct. 31 every year -- as soon as he's put away the costume he just wore...
Don't get between reporters and buffet (10/15/08)
Someone brought the newsroom a plate of barbecued wings the other day and, being reporters, we dove in. A johnny-come-lately stuck her head around the corner and said "I heard you've got wings?" "Mmwha wnnngszzzh?" Which, when you can swallow a mouthful of chicken and finally enunciate, translates as "What wings?"...
Pants law won't work for my kids (10/08/08)
A town in Florida recently passed a law against baggy pants. You know the kind I'm talking about -- the hip-hop jeans that let the world see entirely too many underwear brand names. Part of me thinks, "Hooray!" It is, in my humble opinion, a really awful style and doesn't flatter anything -- especially the intelligence of those who think they look good in them...
Speaking of cell phones, it's all geek to me (10/01/08)
After being abandoned by my 18-year-old -- who for some odd reason thinks living in Nashville and going to art school is a lot more fun that staying at home and doing laundry for his brothers -- I have been forced to face the facts. I am obsolete. In the world of microchips, Macs and megabytes, I have met the enemy and he is all of the above...

Mother Mayhem
Mary Reeves