"You are so Shelbyville if ... your banks only take checks written in pencil because they want to support the local industries ...

"You are so Shelbyville if ... you think Mike Tyson is the new mascot for fried chicken ..."

Think you can come up with better ones that that? The Main Street promotions committee knows you can, and they want to see your responses to the question "You are so Shelbyville if ..."

The "YASSI" contest is only one of several being planned for the promotions committee's next big event, Uptown's City Fair, slated for July 12. Submissions can be dropped off at most uptown businesses, including the Times-Gazette. Names and contact information must be included and each person can submit up to 20 entries.

Calvin A. Cannon (T-G Photo by Mary Reeves) [Click to enlarge] [Order this photo]

"Nashville has been doing a contest like this for 19 years," said Calvin Cannon, a member of the promotions committee. "I've always loved it. I think it's a contest that should get a lot of people -- and a big cross-section of people -- involved."

In fact, Cannon likes the idea of the contest so much, his business, Calvin A. Cannon Interior Design, is putting up the prize money -- $100 for first place, $50 for second and $25 for third. But even if you don't get one of the top three prizes, your entry will be immortalized.

"We're going to archive them into a booklet," said Cannon, who said submissions can also be made on line at www.cacinteriordesign.com on the "contact us" page. "It will be available at the fair and it will also have coupons in it."

The winner will also have their YASSI statement immortalized on a locally-illustrated commemorative T-shirt.

There are several events planned for the City Fair, including recognizing one of the area's longest-running businesses -- The Capri Theater, which will have special activities beginning at 10 a.m. The oldest person will also be honored, and tribute will be paid to other businesses and industries that started in Shelbyville.

If you're better at the tall tale than the one-liner, there's another contest. "The Story of my Redneck Family." Storytellers will have 5 to 10 minutes to share their Jeff Foxworthy-style whopper illustrating just how 'redneck' their family is, and the audience will decide who gets the trophies.

"They can come in costume, if they want,' said Cannon. "And they can bring safe props." But, Cannon reminds everyone, it is a family venue -- so language and content should reflect this.

There will also be a chicken-eating contest, a street car show, a husband-calling contest, and a pencil sketch contest.

"Contestants will have from 10 until 2 to sketch buildings or details in the area," said Cannon. "They'll be judged and trophies awarded at 2:30."

There will be not one, but two dog shows -- one for the purebreds and the other, "Mutts on a Leash" for, well, the not-so-purebreds.

"We have some beautiful mutts around here," said Cannon.

The Main Street promotions committee, one of four committees that comprise the Main Street organization, is also looking for vendors and local musicians of almost any genre.

The most recent event the committee sponsored was the Red Hat Day in April. Although there were some hitches in the planning -- Cannon counts the event as a success, especially considering there were only three weeks to plan and the day itself was wet, windy and cold.

"We learned from it," he said.

One of the things the committee learned was to have activities available for children. At the City Fair, there will be several activities for children, including inflatables and face-painting, and possibly a drawing center with paper, pencils and markers available.

Future events planned in the uptown area are a Homecoming Tailgate Party on Oct. 24 and Trick or Treat on Oct. 31.

For more information about the fair on July 12, or to be a vendor or performer, contact Cannon at (931) 639-3643.