Looking for a kernel of truth

At least, it is until the next root of all evil can be found.

I love the way food trends come and go and we lap up every bit of information and misinformation they feed us and swallow it. And keep it down.

I'm just as guilty as everyone else. I went fishless for nearly three years because I was afraid of mercury levels. I -- the queen of caffeine -- stopped drinking coffee for the short time it was on the suspect list.

I even made the supreme sacrifice in giving up Brussels sprouts when they were suspected of causing premature nose hair aging in Lithuanian sheep farmers. What? You hadn't heard that rumor yet? Maybe I should start it so I can have a real reason for giving up Brussels sprouts.

But now corn, good old American corn, the root of our being, the tassel of our taste buds and the kernel of our existence is being stalked by the nutrition Nazis who have cobbled together evidence that the sweet yellow stuff is going to kill us all in our sleep. Soft drinks and other products are now being hyped as being made with "Real Sugar" instead of corn syrup. (Is this the same real sugar we were told was bad for us a few years ago because it was causing the obesity epidemic in America's youth?)

At first, I thought they meant some mad scientist had created a hybrid of corn and kudzu (Kurnzu? Cordzu?) that would creep into your bedroom at night and strangle you with the silk tassel. Then I realized it was talking about how corn syrup sweeteners are -- get this -- causing the obesity epidemic in America's youth.

And here I was, blaming Nintendo. Silly me.

I'm sure the non-corn syrup sweeteners, like SUGAR, have nothing to do with the obesity level rising, or the carbs such as potato chips, mac and cheese (yeah, my favorite) and bread that convert themselves into non-corn syrup sweeteners have nothing to do with it ...

We need to face the fact there never is just one bad guy, and sometimes, the bad guys aren't as bad as we thought and the good guys have been known to cheat on their taxes. I remember a carrot diet that was supposed to improve your eyesight, curb your appetite, and ensure enough vitamin D to keep the sun going in case of a blackout.

Of course, it also made you look jaundiced and exude yellow sweat. Mmmmm, sexxxyy.

Remember when all cholesterol was bad cholesterol? Now there's good cholesterol and bad cholesterol, and Johnny Ringo Cholesterol, who seems bad but is good at heart and only the shy little cholesterol librarian knows the truth.

The truth is -- there are lots and lots and lots of things out there that can kill us. Take it from an overweight smoker -- I know. But I believe the biggest sin is not in "What" we are eating, but in "How much."

Eating a thousand pounds of tuna a year is a lot more likely to contribute to mercury poisoning than eating a tuna salad sandwich every now and then. One cup of coffee is not going to jack up my blood pressure. One pot of coffee just might. A little bit of corn syrup on the candy bar isn't going to do nearly as much damage to the bathroom scales as scarfing down the entire contents of a Trick or Treat bag.

The secret is moderation -- and that other dirty word. Exercise.

Don't get me wrong -- I think the nutritionists are doing exactly what they should be doing --­ finding out what kills us. They just need to keep their findings away from corporate America. The problem is, after they have rounded up the usual suspects and sauteed a few more on the open grill of speculation (Sorry -- it's getting close to lunchtime and I'm getting hungry), the issue has been kidnapped from the doctor's office and taken to Madison Avenue. A new problem requires a new product, which means money money money for the mad men. Bad corn syrup soda? We have gooooood sugar soda!

It's all in the spin. I love the Activia commercials -- they act like they invented the concept of live bacteria culture in their yogurt, which, I'm sure, is a great surprise to everyone else who has been making yogurt for the last, oh, thousand years or more. I guess it sounds better than an ad saying "We have living squirmy bug things in our fruit-flavored goop that make it easier for you to go potty -- just like almost every other yogurt does."

And, of course, there are some things that -- even in moderation -- are pretty much guaranteed to wreck your health. Arsenic, tobacco, Jerry Springer ...

­-- Mary Reeves is a staff writer for the Times-Gazette. She can be reached by e-mail at mreeves@t-g.com.