Only good thing about this trip was the wine

I noticed a couple months back while flying from Nashville they have what's called an "expert traveler" lane through the security checkpoints.

This is brilliant, and more airports should have these lanes.

I just returned from yet another trip to New York, and the entire airport process this time around was nothing short of annoying. Annoying doesn't seem like a strong enough word ... maybe disastrous is more like it.

I have flown on at least 200 flights throughout my life, so I would consider myself an expert flyer. I have indeed figured out the fastest way from curb, where I'm dropped off, to gate. To no fault of their own, I have little patience for people who slow up lines as a result of not paying attention to signs or being prepared to take their darn shoes off, among other things.

Normally, I hate flying as a result of a strong fear of actually flying, however, my most recent experience with airports had me caring less about the actual flight and feeling like a 16- to 20-hour drive would be easier.

Other than the car accident I got into on the way to the Nashville Airport (people need to learn not to slam on their brakes!), the flight to Albany was relatively smooth -- even though my bags didn't arrive with me and when they did arrive, the airline delivered them to the wrong house at 1 a.m. Not surprising, my dad's neighbors, with two babies, were not thrilled with me the next day.

Anyway, back to the expert traveler lane. My trip to New York was great, and leaving my dad really had me in a pretty lousy mood last week. A mood that took away all my patience when going through Albany's security checkpoint. Albany has no "expert traveler lane."

The line, about 50 feet long, might as well have been 250 feet, and I'm quite certain that no one in front of me had ever flown before.

I realize airlines have made flying tougher these days, but folks, it's time to get over it. Here are a few tips: Don't wear jewelry when traveling, don't carry makeup or toiletries, don't wear belts, don't carry liquids, wear shoes that are easy to take off, and check your bags.

Most people choose to carry on suitcases that are "technically" small enough according to airlines, however, at least 50 percent of the time when I'm flying it seems as if EVERYONE tries to carry on their overstuffed suitcases that are "technically" small enough. But listen, there is not enough space in the overhead compartments for this, so pay the $15 and save us all a bunch of time (if there isn't space, they'll end up making you check the bag anyway).

Once I finally made it through security in Albany, no thanks to travelers in front of me who simply don't pay attention to all the rules (that are clearly pointed out on several signs throughout the security line), I thought the annoying part was over.

I boarded a small prop plane that was headed to Newark. As I approached my window seat on row eight, the man, sitting on the aisle seat, moved into my window seat. His wife and small child were also on row eight, but on the opposite side of the aisle. I know the man was confused, and I believe maybe he thought his seat was the window seat, so I kindly said, "Oh, it's okay, I will take the window seat so you can sit near your wife and daughter."

The man, about my age, quickly said, "It's okay, I'll take the window ... I'd like to be as far away from my daughter as possible."

Thanks, man ... I got to play Mommy #2 the whole ride to Newark, having my feet (wearing flip flops of course because they are EASY to pull off at the security check) jumped on throughout the flight by the attention-craving little girl who was ignored by daddy.

Thanks, Dad!

I finally got to Newark, the most filthy airport I've ever seen, where I ran the equivalent of what seemed like a marathon to reach my gate. Once I got there, it was, of course, changed and I had to run all the way back to the terminal from which I had originally came.

When I got there, I learned the plane had a bad tire. When the tire was finally repaired, I boarded another small plane, although at least this one was not a propeller plane. This time, I had a row to myself and thought, once again, I was home free.

But, of course, I wasn't!

I was literally in tears, plugging my ears as an infant screamed for an hour straight as we waited on the runway for our turn to take off.

The pilot finally said the delightful words, "We're number one in line for departure." I was thrilled, now I'd only be two hours late getting into Nashville.

Murphy's Law kicked again.

The pilot next got on the intercom and said we had waited too long on the tarmac and did not have enough gas to get to Nashville.

What is wrong with the airline industry?!

I understand airlines keep the minimal amount of gas in planes for safety concerns in lieu of a crash or hijacking, but come on, not enough gas to get from New Jersey to Nashville -- just as a result of sitting on the tarmac?

That is cutting it way too close!

As if things couldn't get worse, I had to stare out the window the whole flight because every time I looked straight ahead the flight attendant would come over and hit on me. The man, at least 60, asked me to be his girlfriend!

On the flip side, he did give me a free glass of wine, which softened the blow of being five hours late getting into Nashville.

Yes, next time I may be driving.

-- Sadie Fowler is lifestyles editor at the Times-Gazette. Her columns, Sadie Says and Simply Delish, run every Sunday. She may be reached at sfowler@t-g.com or 684-1200 ext. 214.