Winners, losers in the baby name game

In an earlier column, I discussed how much trouble my own name has given me over the years. I also said I would never give one of my children a name that is hard to pronounce or made up.

So, here I am, at 14 weeks of pregnancy, trying to decide on a baby name with my husband. We don't know yet if we are having a boy or a girl, but considering I was almost eight months pregnant before my 6-year-old daughter, Tessa, was named, I thought we might need to get a head start.

When I worked at another newspaper, I was in charge of birth announcements, which came directly from Harton Regional Medical Center. Because the hospital had patients from Shelbyville, Tullahoma, Manchester, Winchester, Lynchburg and other towns, I always received a bunch of announcements at once.

And, every single time, I could count on at least one bad baby name. What constitutes a bad baby name, you might ask? I consider myself a little of an expert on this subject, since I have seen all types of names over the years. If I were Queen Baby Namer of the World, these are what my rules would be.

1. Don't give your child a name that insures a lifetime in the adult entertainment industry. A good example of this would be the names Devine or Luscious.

2. Do give your child a name that will work for both an adult and a child. The diminutive forms of many names are cute for babies, but try to imagine your child at 80. Will the name fit then? Katie is sweet at one year of age, but Katherine will work for her for the rest of her life.

This rule has a part B. Don't give your child a nickname as a given name. In this aspect, I am so glad my mother didn't name me Tammy, but instead chose Tamara. If I wanted to go by Tammy, I could, but I also had my full name to fall back on.

3. Don't do creative spellings. People have enough trouble pronouncing many names anyway. I've heard it said parents want to give their child a unique name to help them be unique. A name doesn't make someone different or one of a kind; their personality does that. Not creatively spelling a name will also save the child a lifetime of having to correct everyone. Riley looks just as good as Wrylleigh and is more recognizable and pronounceable.

5. Don't use everyday household items for names. Oceanique Potpourri is the name of a scent, not a baby. Apple is a fruit, not a baby.

6. Do use traditional names. Elizabeth and John may seem boring, but they are very respectable and present a good image to the world.

7. Don't add hyphens, dashes or other punctuation marks to a name. A teacher friend of mine had a student named Le-a. She pronounced it "Lee-ah," but she was wrong. The student told her the dash wasn't silent, so the name is Le-dash-a. If you want your child to be called Ledasha, spell it that way.

8. Do use family names. I'm not a huge fan of juniors, but I do like it when people honor relatives by giving their child the first name or middle name of a grandparent, parent, aunt or uncle. William has been used a lot on both sides of our family, so it is up for consideration for this baby if it turns out to be a boy.

9. Don't use strange names of characters in books. Maleficent is fine for the name of the evil witch in "Sleeping Beauty," but who wants to name their child after a witch? Gandalf is fine for "Lord of the Rings," but why torture your child with that name? If you want to name your child something from literature, go with one of the traditional names, like Laura from the "Little House on the Prairie" books or even Harry (although Harrison, shortened to Harry, would be better) from the Harry Potter series.

10. Do honor your heritage. If you're Irish, choose an Irish name. Brenna, Colleen and Seamus are all beautiful Irish names. Other ethnicities also have beautiful names to choose from, and many of them are unique and not heard very often.

11. Don't overdo trendy names. Almost every Jennifer and Heather was born in the seventies and eighties. Those names date a person. Twenty years from now, there will be a flood of Aidens and Emmas, and everyone will know just by looking at the name when the person was born.

12. Do use common sense when it comes to the rules. Even though Aiden and Emma are trendy names, they are also traditional and work better than Le-a and Apple. It's better to go with something overused and recognizable than something strange.

But since I'm not Queen Baby Namer of the World, as my mother so nicely pointed out the other day, when we were discussing baby names (she liked the name Taggert Shannon, for goodness' sake), people will go on naming their children whatever they want.

And I will continue to smile and politely say, "What an unusual name," whenever I hear a particularly bad one.

--Tamara Belinc is a Times-Gazette staff writer. She can be reached at tbelinc@t-g.com.