Too much reality: find the horse names in this short story

Wednesday, September 2, 2009
By John I. Carney

EDITOR'S NOTE: Once again, Times-Gazette City Editor John I. Carney has had a little fun with the variety of horse names reflected in the entries for the Tennessee Walking Horse National Celebration. The following short story contains 38 different names from the 2009 Celebration program. Can you find them all? Some are easy, others more difficult. Two of the names overlap. Answers will appear tomorrow.

Don Morton picked up the first proposal on his desk and began leafing through it.

He hated his new job, director of reality TV for the NBS TV network, because the truth is, he hated reality TV in general, but it was a good promotion and his mentor told him it might put him on the inside track to bigger and better things at the network.

"Dream big," said his mentor.

The president of the network, a real control freak, expected him to sort through the stack of proposals for new reality shows and pick out the out of the park home runs from those that weren't worth a buck. Which show would make people want to watch it now?

"The Unfaithful Wife," read the first manuscript. "In this show, a ritzy chick with an attitude meets a man who says, 'Just call me Ted.' But it turns out Ted's major secret is that he's actually Prince Ted, from the exotic principality of Lorena Ochoa, in the Caribbean. We tell her he's just some Duck River dude. We see if she can remain faithful to her husband, and if she doesn't, we show the husband the absolute proof on video tape. Then, if she does dance all night with the guy, he reveals his true identity."

Don threw down the manuscript in disgust.

"Oh, holey moley," he said, and picked up the next one.

"The American Idol," it read.

"Can't do that one," Don said. "Fox would sue us for plagiarism. Maybe we could call it 'The American Choice' instead. Or maybe 'Star In the Making.'"

He picked up the next one: "Digging for Dollars." He shrugged. That didn't sound very sophisticated.

The next one was a cross between "Deal or No Deal" and "Fear Factor" called "Fear Or No Fear." Twenty-six armed & restless models carrying briefcases with money try to steal from each other at gunpoint under a big scorecard. Catastrophic? The network president might think it was not dangerous enough.

At least it was more interesting than "Push Button for Cash," which sounded like the world's easiest game show. But the next contestant wouldn't receive a royal fortune for his trouble. "Here's your change," the host would tell him.

"All About Style" was another modeling competition, with women in stiletto heels parading around in a revealing fashion.

Don sighed again.

"I can't imagine doing this job a second longer," he said, and pushed the manuscripts off his desk so that he could start working on his letter of resignation.

"Bust me loose," he said.