I didn't quit - so she can't, either

My six-year-old daughter, Tessa, wants to be a first grade drop-out.

The other morning, the first day back to school after a long horse show break which was made even longer because of a cold she had, she declared she was finished with school and not going back.

She looked at me with her hands on her hips and said, "I'll go today, but that's it. I'm done with school."

I asked her if there was anything she liked about school at all, and she said, "Lunch, recess, going to the gym and reading."

At least, she likes reading. It's hard for me to understand her dislike for school, because growing up, I loved it. The only time I didn't like it was the nightmare that was my junior high years when I was stick-skinny, had huge glasses that covered half my face and big hair. The only class I didn't like was math, and I still don't like it.

I was so excited to start back to college after many years this fall, and I told her if I could go back to school, she could continue to go. I also told her the biggest mistake I ever made was quitting college when I was a junior.

She looked at me and said, "You know, momma, it's so hard. I have to do what everyone tells me to do. You, Daddy, my teacher. Sometimes, I just want to do what I want to do."

When I smiled at her, she said, "You better not put that in the paper either. Everyone says you write about me a lot."

Some nights, it's a struggle to get her homework done. Last night, she had to write her spelling words twice in an attempt to learn them for the test. She was about halfway through when she looked at me and said, "If I write one, you can write the other. That's fair, you know."

I had to explain to her that it really wasn't, and it was considered cheating.

"I'm not a cheater. It's not cheating," she said. "You're just helping me out."

All of this came about during the week I was trying to decide whether to quit my job at the newspaper. I thought I was going to be able to juggle being a mother, going to school full-time, pregnancy and a part-time job all at once. I found out I was wrong.

After the first week of school, I realized I was totally exhausted. Being nearly 30 weeks pregnant with a gigantic belly makes sleep nearly impossible, plus I was staying up late working on homework. I didn't have time to rest in the afternoons because I was doing my classes online. It was so much easier to juggle life when I was 20 -- young, carefree, no responsibilities other than a full-time job and school.

I also felt as though I was cheating my family of time spent with me, because I was sometimes doing homework when I should have been with them. I knew something had to go, and the only thing that could was my job. However, I didn't want to be a quitter, not with all of this going on with Tessa.

I racked my brain about what to do and came up with a solution. I asked Sadie Fowler, the lifestyles editor here, if she would still be interested in me writing my column and my Looking Back story for her each week if I decided to quit working for the paper part-time. She said she was. Luckily, the powers that be here at The Times-Gazette were more than open to me going back to freelancing.

So, each week, I'll be doing "Blink and You'll Miss It," which is the name of my column, and also "Looking Back," where I interview and write a story on the life of someone in our community who is over 80. If Sadie or anyone else needs help with another story or a special section, I'm also going to do that.

I'll be able to get my schoolwork done during the morning and afternoons, rest if I need to and be ready to be a wife and mother when Tessa and Brian get home from school and work in the afternoon. We won't be having cereal or soup and sandwiches for supper anymore.

Ella, the baby we are expecting in November, doesn't have a place to sleep yet. I have about 10 weeks to get ready for Ella's arrival, and since her bedroom is stocked full of boxes full of junk (old toys, clothes I probably won't ever be able to wear again, books, did I mention toys?), I have to find a home (preferably Goodwill) for all that stuff to get the room ready to paint and decorate. That's another project I haven't had time for lately and wouldn't with everything else going on.

I will miss all the people in the newsroom. They have come to be friends over the last few months, but I will still be coming in at least once a week because of doing the freelance stories. However, I know doing this is the best thing for my family and me.

The best thing is that technically I didn't quit. I'm still working, just in a different capacity, so Tessa has no reason to believe she can be a first grade drop-out.

--Tamara Belinc is a freelance writer for The Times-Gazette. She can be reached at tambelinc@gmail.com.