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GoogleIt seems like a huge age difference to me, and sometimes, I think I was crazy to start all over. We have our routine down, and we've had a lot of fun as a family of three with an only child. But, it always seemed like something was missing.
I've had friends who had babies 16 and 18 months apart. I've even heard a derogatory term describing two babies in the same family born in the same calendar year or less than 12 months apart. Whenever I hear these stories, I used to think, "What were they thinking?"
I wondered how they were able to give good care to each of their children, when really both were babies at the same time. Both would be in diapers at the same time, and I even knew one couple whose first child hadn't even started walking yet when the second was born. I wanted my little girl to be the only baby in the family for a while, to have a chance to be the center of attention.
But, now I'm thinking people who had their children close together might have had the right idea. They were in baby mode already and didn't have to change. I'm in the big kid phase right now, and I'm not sure how easy it's going to be to get back in that stage. I'm used to backpacks, homework and birthday parties, and soon, I'll be juggling all of that, along with diapers, night-time feedings and spitting up. For those with two babies so close together, the exhaustive baby and toddler stage will soon be over, and I'm going to have to go through all of it again, six years later.
Tessa has been the center of our world for the last six years, and while I think that's good in some ways, it's always bad in others. She's used to getting what she wants, when she wants it. We can go all out at Christmas and birthdays because we don't have to worry about buying for two children.
I'm also scared of how Tessa's going to react to the new baby and having some of the attention away from her. I know it will be a good thing, but I hate how much it will probably hurt her.
Also, now I know that siblings close together can help entertain each other. I have been Tessa's entertainment for the past few years, especially when it's raining or none of the neighborhood children are at home. I love playing with her, but sometimes, it would nice if she had had a playmate here in the house. I'm worried she and Ella will be too far apart in age to be friends.
The other night, Tessa was complaining about not having any kids in the house to play with. She said her cousin Luke always had someone to play, his brother, Alex and then said, "Now, I have to wait nine more weeks for Ella to get here."
I think she's expecting a 2-year-old to come home from the hospital, ready to play with her. I had to tell her it would be a while before Ella could play with her.
Of course, there are good things about having your children farther apart. Tessa is already looking forward to the day she can teach Ella to read. I'll be able to spend most days at home with just Ella immediately after her birth, just as I did with Tessa, since Tessa will be in school. When Tessa gets to be a little older, say 13 or 14, she'll be able to babysit for us, although I've already made a promise to myself that she will be paid for this work. After she gets her license, if she has a car, she'll be able to drive Ella to school, if we need her to.
When I think about it, I'm still pretty sure I wouldn't want to have my children too close together, but I can now see the benefits in it. I think three years difference is probably the perfect age difference. That's the difference between my brother and I, and I don't remember a time when he wasn't around. I surely don't remember any jealousy, not like what I experienced when my sister was born when I was 6.
I know part of what I'm feeling is just nerves, and I'm sure everything will be fine. People have second children all over the world, and even though it might not be an easy transition, they get through it. I'm sure I will, too.
-- Tamara Belinc is a freelance writer for the Times-Gazette. She can be reached at tambelinc@gmail.com.
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There were six years between ours--I had almost given up on being able to have another.
I found that both were blessings and I don't think I would have done it any other way.
One perk--they were separate enough in school that I could focus on each as equally as possible. Even better now that they are grown, they are not in college at the same time. :)
There were two years between my first two -- I had one in pull-ups and one in diapers at the same time. We decided not to push the potty training as soon as we wanted because everyone told us the oldest would just regress anyway.The boys have grown up close friends, but independent at the same time. It's been a good age difference for them. There are 8 and 6 years between them and the youngest, however, and that was GREAT! The age difference was such that there was little jealousy over things -- a baby's needs are much different than a second-grader's -- and the big boys were a big help with the little boy.
Our family's children were spaced about three years apart with plenty of cousins to fill in the years between.
The grandmas never had to retire the kid stuff and,like a one room school,there was always someone younger to guide and give one a refresher course on an area of development and there was always someone more advanced to copy (and annoy).
The usually awkward middle child set-up wasn't so bad when one could take advantage of the levels above and below as well as one's own stage.
We might enjoy a bottle and a book or (a bit later on) Barbies and lessons on driving a bush hog.
In a nuclear family,three to four years apart is probably a good thing.
But,there's something to be said for having friends and kin of all ages to provide an extended family from newborn to twenty-five and even uncles and aunts younger than oneself.
It was amusing for one of our relatives to come home from grad school to find out that his mother had a baby on the way.
I think he spent about half an hour concerned about her health and that of the baby and three weeks worrying about what would occur when people figured out his parents were still getting frisky at their advanced age (very early forties).
Of course,now forty is barely past puberty and tweens are much more worldly.
There may not be as much competition for parental attention and toys between siblings spread apart but there might be three or four generations squabbling over the same pair of jeans and computer time.
I came from one of those families with 5 kids spread 12 years apart and I was the middle child. I survived but I still say that the oldest and the youngest got more attention. (which was sometimes a good thing if it were the negative kind). I did occasionally feel lost in the shuffle.