Age difference between siblings is cause for concern

What is the perfect age between siblings in a family? I've been wondering about this a lot lately, as there are going to be six and a half years between our daughter, Tessa, and the new baby, Ella.

It seems like a huge age difference to me, and sometimes, I think I was crazy to start all over. We have our routine down, and we've had a lot of fun as a family of three with an only child. But, it always seemed like something was missing.

I've had friends who had babies 16 and 18 months apart. I've even heard a derogatory term describing two babies in the same family born in the same calendar year or less than 12 months apart. Whenever I hear these stories, I used to think, "What were they thinking?"

I wondered how they were able to give good care to each of their children, when really both were babies at the same time. Both would be in diapers at the same time, and I even knew one couple whose first child hadn't even started walking yet when the second was born. I wanted my little girl to be the only baby in the family for a while, to have a chance to be the center of attention.

But, now I'm thinking people who had their children close together might have had the right idea. They were in baby mode already and didn't have to change. I'm in the big kid phase right now, and I'm not sure how easy it's going to be to get back in that stage. I'm used to backpacks, homework and birthday parties, and soon, I'll be juggling all of that, along with diapers, night-time feedings and spitting up. For those with two babies so close together, the exhaustive baby and toddler stage will soon be over, and I'm going to have to go through all of it again, six years later.

Tessa has been the center of our world for the last six years, and while I think that's good in some ways, it's always bad in others. She's used to getting what she wants, when she wants it. We can go all out at Christmas and birthdays because we don't have to worry about buying for two children.

I'm also scared of how Tessa's going to react to the new baby and having some of the attention away from her. I know it will be a good thing, but I hate how much it will probably hurt her.

Also, now I know that siblings close together can help entertain each other. I have been Tessa's entertainment for the past few years, especially when it's raining or none of the neighborhood children are at home. I love playing with her, but sometimes, it would nice if she had had a playmate here in the house. I'm worried she and Ella will be too far apart in age to be friends.

The other night, Tessa was complaining about not having any kids in the house to play with. She said her cousin Luke always had someone to play, his brother, Alex and then said, "Now, I have to wait nine more weeks for Ella to get here."

I think she's expecting a 2-year-old to come home from the hospital, ready to play with her. I had to tell her it would be a while before Ella could play with her.

Of course, there are good things about having your children farther apart. Tessa is already looking forward to the day she can teach Ella to read. I'll be able to spend most days at home with just Ella immediately after her birth, just as I did with Tessa, since Tessa will be in school. When Tessa gets to be a little older, say 13 or 14, she'll be able to babysit for us, although I've already made a promise to myself that she will be paid for this work. After she gets her license, if she has a car, she'll be able to drive Ella to school, if we need her to.

When I think about it, I'm still pretty sure I wouldn't want to have my children too close together, but I can now see the benefits in it. I think three years difference is probably the perfect age difference. That's the difference between my brother and I, and I don't remember a time when he wasn't around. I surely don't remember any jealousy, not like what I experienced when my sister was born when I was 6.

I know part of what I'm feeling is just nerves, and I'm sure everything will be fine. People have second children all over the world, and even though it might not be an easy transition, they get through it. I'm sure I will, too.

-- Tamara Belinc is a freelance writer for the Times-Gazette. She can be reached at tambelinc@gmail.com.