Equal time for the rest of the family

COLUMNIST'S NOTE: Husbands, children, this is the column you want to stick on the fridge. In my Wednesday column, I explained why I was going on strike. Naturally, my family had their own response to my list of crimes and conditions.

Why We are Going on Strike, Too

From Ben:

1. "Because I said so." Mom -- really?

2. If I'm in a bad mood, it's not always because I'm a teenager, I didn't get enough sleep, and I have nothing better to do than drive you crazy. Sometimes it's because of my mom ....

3. If I only had a car of my own, the chauffeuring issue wouldn't be one.

4. Do not make comments on my Facebook posts about my laundry chores. Or my "tummy troubles." Or anything. Please.

5. Occasional sympathy would be preferred to "Get over it."

6. Can you find some other way to describe me to strangers besides "The tall skinny one with all the hair"?

7. I know Buzz likes it when you drop him off at school and say "Have a good day" and "I love you," But Mom, I'm 17. Seriously. The ROTC guys are beginning to make fun of me.

8. I am not Scott. I am not Buzz. Come on, you can say it, repeat after me: B-E-N. My name is not Scott Ben Buzz Whichever one You Are.

From Buzz:

1. Why do you call me into the bedroom to ask me about my homework on Saturday afternoon, and then say, "While you're here, can you take this glass back to the kitchen?"

2. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but I really am tired of soup after the first three days.

3. Can you please let dad help me with my math homework from now on? And my projects? And my hair?

4. I'm a fifth-grader. Just once, could we watch "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader" instead of "Wheel of Fortune?" And could you please let me answer first?

5. It's my nose and I can pick it if I want to.

6. No, Mom. Just because I make burping, barfing and gas jokes at home doesn't mean I make the same jokes at school. I'm 10. I'm not stupid.

7. "Uh-huh, whatever" is not the right answer when I ask you what to do about the pot boiling over on the stove.

8. I am not Scott. I am not Ben. Come on, you can say it, repeat after me: B-U-Z-Z. My name is not Scott Ben Buzz Whichever one You Are.

From Scott:

(He never calls, so I have no idea what his reaction is.)

From my husband:

1. Honey, I love you and I support your strike 100 percent. Let me know when it starts, okay, because I'm not sure I'll be able to tell ...

2. Flipping the comforter over the pillows, the mattress, the laptop, three books and a cat is not "making the bed."

3. "Constant supply of chocolate" was not in our wedding vows. If you'd like to rewrite them, can we add "No more than one empty bottle of Diet Coke at a time will be permitted on the nightstand"?

4. This is a laundry hamper. This is a chest of drawers. This is a closet. Clothes should be in one or the other of these places. Not on the lamp. Not in the hall. Not under the couch.

5. When I ask how much we have in the bank, "I dunno" is not an acceptable answer, but I'll admit, it's better than "Don't even ask."

6. When you chase me off the computer to "write," I expect to see words, not bouncing red, yellow, blue and green balls.

7. Shoes. Closet. Please.

8. I am not Scott. I am not Ben. I am not Buzz. Come on, you can say it, repeat after me: T-E-R-R-Y. My name is not Scott Ben Buzz Whichever one You Are -- but I will answer to "Hey, stud."

-- Mary Reeves is a Times-Gazette staff writer.