I have seen some interesting signs hanging in different places over the years. One of my favorites is hanging near the cash register at the Bell Buckle Café (one of my favorite dining establishments). It says, "Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig."
I can honestly say I have never tried to teach any animal to sing, let alone a pig. That would annoy me too.
There is a sign that hangs at the end of a parking space in Jackrabbit, Ariz., that says, "Indian parking only! Violators will be scalped!" I am hoping that it was meant to be funny, but just to be safe I have never parked there.
I recently saw a sign that read, "Sometimes I wake up grumpy, but most of the time I just let her sleep."
My wife woke up grumpy today. She claimed I had been hogging all the covers last night, and so she didn't sleep too well. I slept like a baby though.
Years ago, I saw an old billboard along the highway in northern Arizona that caught my attention. It was obvious that the 'S' at the beginning of the sign had fallen off and it read, "HELL GAS." I laughed and commented that I had wondered how they kept those eternal flames burning down there. Now I know!
A good sign for the kitchen of many cooks, especially those with aggravating and picky diners reads, "Dinner Choices: Take It -- or -- Leave It." There are probably a lot of cooks that feel that way.
A sign posted along a fence row reads, "No trespassing. Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again."
Years ago, I was going door to door with a ministry team in a city in the southwestern United States. We were inviting people to come to an evangelistic crusade, and we kept seeing signs on houses that read, "This home is protected by Mary, Queen of Heaven." I was blessed to see that. Here in middle Tennessee you may see signs on houses that read, "This home is protected by a mean old woman with a big gun!"
There is the billboard with a big chunk of the upper right hand corner torn off that reads, "Beware of low flying aircraft." Thanks for the warning!
Some smart aleck member of a road crew put this up on one of those lighted electronic signs along a road construction site, "You'll never get to work on time! Ha Ha!" I do appreciate their honesty, but by the time you are reading that sign it's already too late.
There are lots of churches that post catchy sayings on the signs in front of their property. Some are neon, flashy and moving, while others are stationary and carry a good message.
I remember seeing a sign in front of a Baptist church that read, "Read the Bible. It will scare the hell out of you!"
Or what about the sign in front of the church before Christmas that read, "I'm also making a list and checking it twice -- God."
Signs are everywhere. You can't drive across town without seeing signs on every corner and everywhere in between. And there are companies that hire individuals to stand along the roadway and hold signs to advertise their business.
Most of us are busy reading the signs and billboards along the roadways when we drive anywhere. People know that so that's why they advertise, whether it's a business or a church. Most of us read the signage.
One church sign that caught my attention read, "Will your eternal home be smoking or non-smoking?" I prefer non-smoking.
A friend of ours, Sandy Morris, gave Lynn and me a sign that hangs on the front door of our home. It reads, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15."
When we leave the house and go out into public, we carry a sign with us everywhere we go, whether we realize it or not. I only hope mine is always one with a good message.
What does your sign say?
-- Doug Dezotell is the pastor of Mt. Lebanon UMC and Cannon UMC. He is a former staff writer for the Times-Gazette, and he is a husband, a father, a grandfather, and a friend to many. He can be contacted at email@example.com.