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Friday, May 6, 2016

Life in the (shopping) trenches

Sunday, November 25, 2012

(Vignettes from Shopper World...)


Get outta my way! Now!

Those people are outrunning me!

This is still costing too...darn...much money.

Stop yelling! I'm driving 60 in the parking lot because I will get that parking place!...Durn it! There's a dinky little car there!

Shoulda brought the sleeping bag. We'll be in this stupid line all night!

Sale? What sale?

I've got gas from Thanksgiving dinner so bad and just can't turn loose here...

Betcha that family all buying the same thing are going to resell on eBay.

Those people don't need five buggies full!

It doesn't take 15 minutes to pick out his tie of the year.

Ugh! That ol'boy in front of us hasn't used deodorant in a month...

Wow! That cute girl's looking at me and grinning. Why are you looking at me like that? How long have you known my fly was open?

Oh, no, I lost the credit card!! Don't panic! Don't panic! No, you calm down! Uhhh...whew, there it is. You shouldn't get so upset...


Don't you...ever...run that cart into me again! Wait, you're mad? Why are you shooting my picture with your phone? So I'm supposed to be impressed because your husband's a weightlifter and he'll...track...me...down?

Why is that woman so excited about a TV set? She's hyperventilating!

That poor Santa Claus looks like he could use a beer...

We're not paying that much money for that piece of crap!

I don't mind shopping at 2 a.m. I really don't...I really, really don't...

What do you mean, someone rammed a shopping cart into our car?

Grunt. Grunt.

Son, you don't go up to people and tell them their butt's bigger than your Aunt Martha's...He's 4 years old, ma'am, he doesn't know any better...well, ma'am, actually, he's not lying...

Those Super Shopper T-shirts are so tacky!

I stood in this line for two hours! Whaddya you mean, you ran out??

Your aunt doesn't really need another one of these...

Stop it! This is no place to scratch!

Could we stop and eat sometime? It's noon and we didn't even eat breakfast.

Cute! A crockpot for a crackpot!

Hey, give that back!! Whaddya you think this is, Grab and Snatch Day? Happy Black Friday to you, too, you little punk!

-- Times-Gazette copy editor David Melson can be contacted at dmelson@t-g.com.

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David Melson
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