Thank you to those who have written and even called to see if I am OK. It was encouragement at a time when I am in “neutral” with my blogging efforts and somewhat with life I general. Encouragement from the fact that someone missed me and in their own way appreciated my efforts.
I am still mulling over my direction right now but maybe it would do others well for me to do some thinking “out loud”. In fact, I mentioned to a friend visiting my mother-in-law that I seemed to be floating right with no defined direction. They too were experiencing similar emotions and would not have discussed it openly if I had not mentioned it.
This was unexpected development for me since I always seemed to have so much going on, I thought that retirement blues would never be an issue. NOT THAT I AM RETIRED but my employment situation has changed dramatically over the last three months and I am as “free as a bird” with my time.
In essence, I am fully self-employed which I have not been for 50 years. Yes, I was often running my own business on the side and my wife and I have been working together for most of our 32 years together but not entirely. So I would expect that more now than ever I should be focused on a goal, but that is not where I’ve been for the last month.
Some has been health resulting from age and “joss” (fate) and that has altered some of the dreams I’ve been mulling over, but is that the major reason? Am I too old to pursue them? How many years do I have left? Do I start something that I burden my wife with after I check out or could it be something that actually helps her?
Now that my efforts are directly tied to my income, can I really pursue dreams or should egvery waking hour be directed at generating that income? All work and no play makes Steve a dull boy?
The goal I always kept in mind was that if income was tied to something you love to do then you never see it as work, but in my experience, when I turned a passion (photography) into a living, I burned my passion out, almost completely. It was revived when our daughter took up an interest in photography but never to the point it once was. She by the way, has been doing much better than her old man in monetizing her talent.
Gardening was a passion but my health/stamina has seriously curtailed my garden activity. If it wasn’t for volunteer seeds, the ground-based gardens would not have been used this year. We never really ate from the garden as much as gave the produce away, so the practical side of it never came into consideration.
There is/was a lot more to consider and I may pursue that in follow-up posts to this blog but the thing that was obvious to many of you was my lack of activity here, the blog, so let me explore that a little. The heyday of the T-G blog was when we had 10+ bloggers submitting posts on all kinds of subjects, differing ideas, perspectives both from the blogger and you the participants.
Bu alas, that has changed hasn’t it? I offered my services in trying to get new bloggers and overseeing it since I am sure it was just another responsibility to someone and in today’s world of “hats” are always being added to a person’s responsibilities so time is limited. But the offer never received a response, of any kind.
Believe it or not, being basically the only blogger gets old. I felt a responsibility for trying to keep things going, often delving into subjects that I would have preferred avoid. You folks know my areas of discomfort. So, I started losing the drive for the blogs a well.
If you follow me much at all, you know we are deeply involved with cats. This past month has been a devastating one for our cats and us. As the kittens that we have rescued grow older we let them go in and out of the house. We even bought a special insert for the sliding glass door. Well, six of our special cats (those allowed inside) disappeared over the last six weeks.
We were suspecting a predator and the fact that we lost about 20 from the outside clan leaned the suspicion heavily toward coyotes, but we had no firm evidence until two weeks ago on Sunday when I saw coyotes circling a tree at the edge of our lawn. I fired scaring shots but after they left our second oldest and the patriarch of our outside clan slowly slid down the tree and just laid there.
Sure enough, he had been mauled by coyotes. Our vet thinks a young coyote who was either learning to kill or one playing because adults usually kill quickly and take them off. That goes with the lack of evidence (no bodies) of the other cats.
Big Boy had broken ribs, punctured/collapsed lung and severe muscle tearing from being shaken. He died on the operating table. All of this has been a huge emotional roller coaster, so I have not really felt like writing much and what I did write was pretty “blue”.
A lot to work through, but I appreciate your concern and awareness of my absence.